- [standing up to the Decapodian Mobile Oppression Palace]
- Old Man Waterfall: Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make ma stand with Old Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit!
- [he is crushed]
- Old Man Waterfall: Ahhhggghhh! My spirit!
- Fry: So what is Freedom Day? Sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.
- Dr. Zoidberg: No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day!
- Amy Wong: If you wanna do something, you do it, and to splick with the consequences.
- Bender: You know, like how I live every day.
- [trips up Hermes]
- Hermes Conrad: Happy Freedom Day! Ow, I think I broke my wrist.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: You can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent is aboard this very ship.
- [Stares at Kif]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm watching you. You, ensign. What's your name?
- Hugh Man: [Clearly a Decapodian in disguise] Hugh Man, sir.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Hugh Man? Now that's a name you can trust. Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes. Chop, chop!
- [Gives the codes to "Hugh", who scuttles out of the bridge]
- Kif Kroker: Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's...
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he just might get it.
- ["Hugh" is seen out the window on a shuttle flying to the Decapodian ship]
- Leela: Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You might even find the image of it festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to Freedom of Expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution!
- Richard Nixon: Is that so? Well, I happen to know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!
- [Scene changes to the U.S. Supreme Court]
- Fry: Wow! Nude hot-tubbing - that's all I need to hear about Freedom Day!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Then consider the following lecture a bonus.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on, show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.
- Richard Nixon's Head: My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to chose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a week with the Pain Monster.
- The Pain Monster: See you April 15th, folks!
- [On the run from Earth authorities after eating the flag]
- Dr. Zoidberg: My planet's embassy? Why, they'd pay to not kill me!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression is smutzing up our freedom lesson?
- Ambassador Moivin: Ah, take a pill, Zoidberg!
- Leela: Dr. Zodberg - how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Ambassador Moivin, you killed my lawyer.
- Ambassador Moivin: You're welcome.
- Dr. Zoidberg: He defended my freedom when no-one else would. He was a good and honorable man.
- Old Man Waterfall: I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet and I've taken a bullet in it, on it. All to keep our flag flying free.
- Bender: And you want to defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does Not Compute"?
- Leela: Dr. Zoidberg - how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!
- Dr. Zoidberg: Deny my freedom, will you? Well we'll do to you what we did to the Squash Men of the Squash Planet! Squish them!
- [He laughs]