- Maxwell Smart: [hanging on to the wing of Siegfried's plane] Don't tell me you'd shoot an unarmed man in mid-air?
- Siegfried: Of course I would.
- Maxwell Smart: [shouting] I asked you not to tell me that!
- 99's Mother: [about Max] Eh, is he really in the greeting card business?
- 99: Why yes of course, why do you ask?
- 99's Mother: Oh, I don't know. Your father always used to always say he was in the greeting card business.
- 99: And wasn't he?
- 99's Mother: Didn't you know? Your father was a spy.
- Chief: KAOS has destroyed almost 90% of America's potato crop.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, I didn't know that, Chief.
- Chief: It's been our government most closely guarded secret.
- 99: Well I can see why, Americans love potatoes.
- Maxwell Smart: That's right, Chief. Potatoes are as American as pizzas or tacos.
- 99: Mother, you just call Max 'Max' and Max, you call mother 'mother'.
- [they all sit down on a couch]
- Maxwell Smart: Right, 99.
- 99's Mother: 99?
- 99: Oh, eh, Max and I have pet names for each other, heh, sometimes he calls me '99' and sometimes I call him '86'.
- 99's Mother: Isn't that cute. You can call me '38' if it isn't taken.
- Maxwell Smart: No, no. No it isn't.
- 99's Mother: Did you have a nice chat with your shoe?
- Maxwell Smart: Eh, yes well, I can explain that, mother...
- 99's Mother: Oh, don't bother, my husband used to always talk to his suspenders.
- Maxwell Smart: He did?
- 99's Mother: Sometimes he'd talk to his belt. He was a very strange man but a good provider.
- 99: Max, it's Mr. Smith...
- Maxwell Smart: It's the Red Baron.
- Maxwell Smart, 99: [the man in question takes off his flying goggles] It's Siegfried!
- Siegfried: You bet your sweet shoephone it's Siegfried. We meet again...
- Maxwell Smart: So, Siegfried, you're the one that's responsible for trying to destroy the potato crop.
- Siegfried: Exactly, but that knowledge will do you no good. You see, I'm going to shoot you both, push you in front of the spinning propellers und drop you from 18.000 feet! This is the last time we meet, Shmart!
- Maxwell Smart: You mean you're not coming to the wedding?
- Maxwell Smart: How did you know we were here, Chief?
- Chief: I stopped by the house and 99's mother told me you were here.
- 99: You came just in the nick of time, Chief.
- Chief: I would have been here sooner but she made me stop and eat first.
- Maxwell Smart: You know, Chief, I've always wondered about that. How many potatoes are there in a crop?
- Chief: Oh, it all depends. Four or five thousand bushels.
- Maxwell Smart: Boy, that's a lot of crop.