The Goodies (TV Series)

South Africa (1975)

Graeme Garden: Graeme Garden

Photos 

Quotes 

• [all the non-whites have left South Africa, throwing the nation into turmoil] 

  Travel Agent : That's why the government have introduced a new form of segregation.

  Bill : Ah, that's exactly the sort of thing this country needs, mate, I'll tell ya.

  Travel Agent : [portentously]  I'm glad you agree.

  Bill : I agree...

  Travel Agent : [revealing to Tim and Graeme]  "Apart-Height."

  [Tim, Graeme, and the Agent start cackling among themselves] 

  Travel Agent : Here, read the instructions!

  [Graeme and Tim start cackling at Bill, who obliviously laughs back] 

  Graeme : [reading]  "Instruction Number One: Pin up wall chart."

  Bill : [pinning up the chart]  Pin up wall chart, I can do this, I can do this, eh?

  Graeme : "Instruction Number Two: Stand by chart."

  [Tim stands next to the chart, clearing the mark] 

  Graeme : "If you are taller than the mark, all right."

  [Bill enthusiastically takes his turn at the chart] 

  Graeme : "If you don't reach it..."

  Bill : Yeah?

  Graeme : "Tough luck."

  [Bill tries standing on a stair to clear the mark] 

  Graeme : "And no cheating. Now that all the non-whites have left, congratulations! You are one of the lucky new band of second-class citizens."

  Bill : [shocked]  What, me?

  Graeme : "Yes, you, short-house. All the rules previously applied to non-whites will now apply to you."

• Travel Agent : Good man. And here's your camera.

  Graeme : Ah. Black and white?

  Travel Agent : [deeply offended]  Just white.