- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [on the phone, a recording says the operator is having rump roast trouble] They got to be kidding!
- Lisa Douglas: People don't kid about rump roast trouble.
- Newt Kiley: Rump roast trouble? That's a new recording. At least it ain't in the phone company album I have.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: They put out an album?
- Sam Drucker: Yeah. The company gives 'em out to you as a bonus if you don't complain about anything for a whole year.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: The office was deserted. Nobody was there, not even Kimball, the phone company disc jockey. I looked through the window. It seemed that everybody in the valley is trying to get a call through, the switchboard was lit up like a Christmas tree.
- Sam Drucker: Oh, that is a Christmas tree. Sarah's a little late taking it down.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Sarah's a little late in a lot of things...
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [complaining about the phone service] I tried to get a call through to the Hoyt-Clagwell factory in Fargo, North Dakota.
- Sam Drucker: Even if Sarah was there you couldn't get through to them. She doesn't have a Fargo hole on the switchboard.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Call Chicago! They route it through there.
- Lisa Douglas: Maybe they don't have a router hole.
- Lisa Douglas: This always happens, Olivar. Every time you open your mouth, somebody sticks a phone company in it.
- Lisa Douglas: Before you tell me your bad news, let me tell you my good news: Irving works.
- [points at Irving Two Smokes the wooden Indian]
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: He what?
- Lisa Douglas: While you were away, not a single cowboy showed up!