- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [to Haney after seeing Molly in the mirror] Did you ever notice a wrinkled old hag in the mirror when you were shaving?
- Eustace Charleton Haney: No. But my wife did.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Look, frying pans and coffee pots don't go flying around by themselves. Wait a minute... there's a word for that: poltergeist.
- Lisa Douglas: What is that?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Well, it's a supernatural phenomenon.
- Lisa Douglas: What is that, stupid unnatural phenomenemon?