- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [suggesting Lisa to play Granny] Great. She used to be a star on the Hungarian stage. Oh, she'd be perfect for Granny. She's the right size. Eh, she won't need too much makeup.
- Lisa Douglas: Oliver!
- Eb Dawson: [rehearsing Jethro's lines] What is Granny going to make for supper tonight?
- Lisa Douglas: [reading Elly May's lines] Breast of pollywog with possum's toes and crawdad turnovers.
- Eb Dawson: Goooooody!
- Lisa Douglas: Why don't you set yourself down on your you all and I will go out to the see-mint pond and catch us a barracuda.
- Lisa Douglas: [talking about her acting career in the old country] We used to do those very dramatic plays like 'The Cherry Orchard', 'Dolls House', 'War and Peace', 'Budapest Parastock'...
- Sam Drucker: What was that last one?
- Lisa Douglas: Budapest Hillbilies.
- Sam Drucker: The Budapest Hillbilies?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Oh, you know, it's the story about tha Hungarian peasant who struck goulash and moved his family to the Swiss Alps.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [a big round piece of bread dough has landed on Oliver's head as he entered the kitchen] I suppose you can explain this?
- Lisa Douglas: Oh, oh yes. I struck out with the schpaghetti, so I thought I'd make a pizza.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: What have you got against the Italians?
- Eb Dawson: [Eb has a meeting with the Hooterville Young Peoples Agricultural Society] I gotta leave.
- [gets up and walks to the door]
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Bye...
- Eb Dawson: [opens the door but stays in the kitchen] I was hopin' some kind man would lend me his car.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Well, start walking, maybe you'll meet one on the way.
- Eb Dawson: There ain't none here in the kitchen, huh?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: No.