- Fred Ziffel: Hold it! Ain't nobody gonna pay no attention to what's going on as long as they got them names up there.
- [the writers credits are superimposed over Fred, Sam and Hank]
- Hank Kimball: In the future, all farmers will not have to depend on people like myself to get information about farming. I will be replaced by a computer.
- Oliver Douglas: I'll drink to that.
- Fred Ziffel: Well, I don't need no computer to tell me what to do. I've got Doris.
- Hank Kimball: She too can be replaced by a computer.
- Fred Ziffel: Well, I'll drink to that, but not the rest of it.
- Ralph Monroe: [explaining computer dating] Well, they put all your information in the computer, and then when a boy's card matches the girls card, they get married.
- Lisa Douglas: Well that's all right for the cards, but what about the people?
- Oliver Douglas: Lisa, open the door!
- Lisa Douglas: I'm sorry, 723, but I can't allow any strangers in my bedroom.
- Fred Ziffel: Mr. Douglas, I ask you: do you believe it's possible for one o' them computers to tell us farmers what to plant?
- Oliver Douglas: Yes, it is.
- Fred Ziffel: Well, if you believe that, you're a bigger fruitcake then he is.
- [indicating Hank Kimball]
- Oliver Douglas: Mr. Ziffel, I...
- Fred Ziffel: You're suffering from swiffeled raisins.
- Oliver Douglas: There is nothing wrong with my raisins!
- Hank Kimball: I'll drink to that.
- Ralph Monroe: Well then I can't get married.
- Oliver Douglas: Is that what you wanted the eighteen dollars for, a big wedding?
- Ralph Monroe: No, it's to find a husband.
- Lisa Douglas: In my experience, there are very few good eighteen dollar husbands. Mr. Douglas was a sixhundred dollar job.
- Mr. Blisswell: Mrs. Douglas, did you notice the young lady at the desk when you came in?
- Lisa Douglas: Yes, eh, but my husband noticed her more.
- Oliver Douglas: [Oliver opens the front door holding his nose] Oh, good morning, Mr. Haney.
- Mr. Haney: [grabs his own nose] Pepperdink.
- Oliver Douglas: What?
- Mr. Haney: Pepperdink!
- Oliver Douglas: [lets go of his nose] What are you talking about?
- Mr. Haney: How come you know the secret sign but you don't know the password?
- Mrs. Blisswell: [at Cupid's Computer Club] Yes, may I help you?
- Lisa Douglas: Eh, we would like to be punched.
- Mrs. Blisswell: Punched?
- Lisa Douglas: Well you know, with the cards.