- Lisa Douglas: You're disturbing Ralph's beauty sleep!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: She could sleep for six years, it wouldn't make any...
- Mr. Haney: Morning, Mr. Douglas, did you see a pair of pliers?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [in considerable pain] Yeah, you dropped them on my head.
- Mr. Haney: Any idea where they bounced?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [sitting down in Kimball's office] Mr. Kimball, I have a problem.
- Hank Kimball: Yes you do, there were three tomatoes on that chair.
- Eb Dawson: Morning! Breakfast ready?
- Lisa Douglas: Yes.
- Eb Dawson: Well, let's have the hotcakes and get it over with.
- Lisa Douglas: We're not having any hotscakes this morning.
- Oliver Douglas: No hotcakes?
- Lisa Douglas: I've made something different.
- Oliver Douglas: Hey, wonderful!
- Eb Dawson: Let's not go off half-cocked till we get a look at it.
- Oliver Douglas: Knock it off, anything's better than the hotcakes.
- Lisa Douglas: Here we are.
- [Holds up what looks like a long, lumpy pastry on a baking sheet]
- Eb Dawson: Any hotcakes left over from yesterday?
- Lisa Douglas: You don't like it?
- Eb Dawson: I don't know. What is it?
- Lisa Douglas: Well what does it look like?
- Oliver Douglas: It looks like a boa constrictor with lumps.
- Lisa Douglas: That's the last time I ever cook you a Spanish omelette.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [eying the Spanish omelet Lisa cooked] It looks like a... boa constrictor with lumps.
- Ralph Monroe: I know why men don't want me: they don't think of me as a woman. To other women they sing love songs, to me they sing 'For he's a jolly good fellow!'