- George Bennington: [calling the Agriculture office in D.C] Say, your angry little voice sounds familiar. Aren't you the fella who was infected with corn bores last year?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: That's right!
- George Bennington: What do ya have this year?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Wheat stem sawflies.
- George Bennington: How about that! You're raising wheat out on the terrace now, huh? You Park Avenue folks are...
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I don't live on Park Avenue anymore.
- George Bennington: Oh, they canceled the lease, huh?
- [laughs sarcastically]
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: No! I bought a farm near Hooterville!
- George Bennington: Where?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Hooterville!
- George Bennington: You're pullin' my leg!
- Mr. Haney: Well, while you're getting the correct change, I would like to recite a little poem I composed for anniversaries. Copies of which can be purchased from the author for 25 cents.
- [reading]
- Mr. Haney: Happy anniversary. Anniversaries come but once a year, bringing joy and good cheer. Some are sad, some are funny...
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Get on your truck, here's your money!
- Eb Dawson: Oh, congratulations. How long you been married?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Well, we've been married... Let's see now, we were ma- In nineteen fif- No, no, that was the year I got out of the airforce, yes. We were married in f- No, that was the year I started my lawpractice... Well, it must have been in...
- Eb Dawson: You sure you're married?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Of course, I'm sure!
- Eb Dawson: I never saw your marriage certificate.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Don't worry. We've got one. It's in the safe deposit box.
- Eb Dawson: Mr. Haney used to have his hanging up on the wall.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [smiling] That's nice.
- Eb Dawson: He used to throw darts at it!