- Eb Dawson: [Oliver's speech is interrupted by a crow] Your speeches draw more crows than the corn does.
- Hank Kimball: As you all know, I'm your County Kimball, Hank Agent. No, I don't believe I am. I'm, eh Hank Kimball, your County Agent. Yes, that sounds better. Well, not better...
- Mr. Haney: When my friends are standing there with their hand out, asking for help, I'm there.
- Lisa Douglas: With your hand out!
- Mr. Haney: Ooh, that stung. Like a cheap aftershave lotion on a nicked chin.
- Lisa Douglas: [meeting Oliver during WWII] I don't think you're really an American.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Why not?
- Lisa Douglas: You spend more time talking than smooching.