- Paladin: I'd be obliged to you for a ride.
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): I'd be obliged if you'd drive these miracles of nature for me.
- Paladin: Now what kind of toy is that?
- [a miniature guillotine]
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): I'm a lonely man, Mr Paladin. Grant me a few childish amusements.
- Paladin: All free amusements and no magic potions to sell?
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): There are men in the world who'll receive adequate reward from the happy laughter of innocent children.
- Paladin: That's true, Burnaby. But you're not one of them.
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): Oh, what leads you to that shocking conclusion?
- Paladin: For one thing, this.
- [Paladin produces his card]
- Paladin: You been picking my pockets, Burnaby? And for another thing, this!
- [the head of a puppet that resembles Croft]
- Paladin: Now, Burnaby, you didn't come all this way to meddle in state politics?
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): Politics? I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
- Paladin: The Indian girl on whose agonies General Croft built his military reputation?
- [Paladin holds the puppet representing the Indian girl]
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): She was my wife.
- Paladin: I'm sorry.
- Jack Burnaby (Dr. Humbug): We Scots have a saying: He who loses a sixpence and his wife loses a sixpence.