How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Matchmaker (2005)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Quotes
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Lily Aldrin : Raise your hand if earlier today, you hit on an engaged woman.
[Ted begrudgingly raises his hand with a sigh, but so does Barney, inciting a look of disgust and mild surprise from Lily]
Barney Stinson : Come on, Lily, don't hate the player, hate the game.
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Lily : Oh, just play it cool. Don't Ted out about it.
Ted : Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney : Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. Ted-out: to over-think. Also see Ted-up. Ted-up: to over-think something with disastrous results. Sample sentence: Billy Tedded up when...
Ted : [Interrupting] OK, I get it.
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Barney Stinson : [to Ted] Marshall ran away from a cockroach.
Marshall : It was a mouse!
Barney Stinson : Oh, sorry, my bad, you're a man.
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[Ellen Pierce, owner of "Love Solutions" matchmaking service, has just threatened to stomp the crap out of Barney if he doesn't leave for his insincere intentions]
Barney : [bolts for the door] Okay, Ted, let's go.
Ellen Pierce : [pointing at Ted to sit back down] Not you - you stay.
[looking at Ted's application]
Ellen Pierce : You're cute. Good career. And you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend "Jack Package".
Barney : [from other side of door] It's pronounced "Pa-kaz".
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Lily : [about the Cockamouse] It's some sort of mutant combination of the two. It's as if a cockroach and a mouse... you know...
Barney : Hit the horizontal ten-legged inter-species cha-cha?
Robin : That's impossible. That simply can't happen.
Lily : Oh, but it can.
Marshall : And it has.
Lily : And it's pissed.
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[At MacLaren's Pub, watching a taped television news segment by Robin, who is interviewing Ellen Pierce, the owner of "Love Solutions", a matchmaking service. In the background, a young blonde enters the service]
Barney : Was that chick at the end really a client?
Robin : Yes
Barney : We're signing up... Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with.
Ted : I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat.