Justice League (TV Series)

Comfort and Joy (2003)

Michael Rosenbaum: The Flash, Wally West

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Ultra-Humanite places the toy in front of the children; it lights up, and starts playing the theme from "The Nutcracker."] 

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : [Humanite's voice]  Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.

  Little Girl : Is that D.J. Rubber Ducky?

  Little Boy : He sounds weird.

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : [as they gather round]  Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer...

  Ultra-Humanite : Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?

  The Flash : I kind of liked it when he made the poopy noise.

  [Humanite frowns; Flash looks at the children, listening raptly to the story] 

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : That night, as Clara slept beneath the Christmas tree, her beloved toy came alive to lead her on an unforgettable adventure...

  The Flash : But this is good too.

• Ultra-Humanite : [of the top hat]  I won't wear it.

  The Flash : Oh, come on, I'm wearing the beard. You don't want to scare the kids, do you?

  Ultra-Humanite : The indignity...

• Ultra-Humanite : You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.

  The Flash : Seriously?

  Ultra-Humanite : You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.

  The Flash : [suspicious]  It's not gonna blow up or anything?

  Ultra-Humanite : [puh-leeze]  Flash. It IS Christmas.

• The Flash : Don't you remember what it's like to have your heart set on something and that awful feeling when you didn't get it?

  Ultra-Humanite : Yes. And I usually have you and your teammates to blame for that.

  The Flash : I was talking about Christmas.

  Ultra-Humanite : Oh, that garish, hollow charade. Forced jollity on every lip, insincere goodwill in every heart. Tidings of comfort and joy indeed.

  The Flash : For a creep that claims to personify human advancement, I'd think you'd know what it means to pass along goodwill, especially to kids who need some. I'd like to think they'd grow up to pass that goodwill on to others.

  Ultra-Humanite : A not unworthy aspiration.

  The Flash : [Humanite re-inserts his gun's battery]  You can go ahead and use that thing for all I care. I couldn't feel any worse.

  Ultra-Humanite : [pistol-whipping him]  As you wish.

• The Flash : [investigating an explosion at a museum]  Wow. Someone sure did a number on this place.

  Ultra-Humanite : Actually, I hadn't even started.

  [cocking and aiming a weapon] 

  Ultra-Humanite : Do you believe the horrendous amount of public funding spent on this so-called art?

  [Flash dodges his gun discharges] 

  Ultra-Humanite : It's garbage, an affront to any decent human aesthetic!

  The Flash : O... kay. I'll just take you back to prison, where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.

• The Flash : [after promising to secure a D.J. Rubber Ducky doll, but finding all the toy stores sold out]  I take it back. Grodd was never *this* much trouble.

  [getting an idea from a Santa toy on display] 

  The Flash : That's it! I'll go right to the source.

  [transition to him leaving the store's corporate headquarters in Japan] 

  Mr. Hama : This is our very last Rubber Ducky, but since it is for the great hero Flash, we are happy to give it with our compliments.

  The Flash : I can't thank you enough, Mr. Hama. It'll mean so much to the kids.

• The Flash : Merry Christmas, guys! Have you been good this year?

  Mrs. Saunders : [shouts of agreement]  You can bet they've been good when it means seeing their favorite hero.

  The Flash : Don't forget the present he brings.

  Mrs. Saunders : [the kids cheer]  You really don't have to do that.

  The Flash : Come on, it's tradition. What's it gonna be this year, guys? A video game? Sports equipment?

  Little Boy : Well, there is something.

  The Flash : Name it.

  Little Girl : It's on! It's on!

  [they lead him to the television] 

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : [rapping]  I'm the rubber ducky with all the fly moves/Rockin' at his house with my tight grooves/Go, rubber, go, rubber/Go, Rubber Ducky.

  The Flash : [laughing as Ducky makes farting noises]  That actually is pretty cool. Okay, D.J. Rubber Ducky it is.

  Mrs. Saunders : Uh, you may not want to get their hopes up too high. Every store's been sold out for weeks.

  The Flash : Please. I made Gorilla Grodd cry uncle. I'm sure Rubber Ducky will be no problem.

• Superman : The ice planet's orbit is stabilizing. These two worlds will never collide now.

  J'onn J'onzz : The Normitians are sending us their expressions of relief and gratitude.

  The Flash : Nice way to kick off a Christmas break.

  Superman : I second that. G.L.?

  Green Lantern : You guys go ahead. I'll catch up with you later.

  Hawkgirl : [following him]  I'll hitch a ride back with G.L.

  The Flash : How about you, big guy? Any holiday plans?

  J'onn J'onzz : I'm afraid this season has no meaning for me.

  The Flash : [watching him board the Javelin]  Whoa. Frosty.

  Superman : We'll have to do something about that.

• Ultra-Humanite : Haven't I see enough of you for one night?

  The Flash : I wanted to say thanks. You really helped me out.

  Ultra-Humanite : I did it for the children. I welcome any opportunity to bring culture to the uncorrupted.

  The Flash : Sure.

  [revealing a small Christmas tree] 

  The Flash : But I thought you might like some holiday cheer yourself.

  Ultra-Humanite : An aluminum Christmas tree?

  The Flash : I know, it's kind of cheesy, but...

  Ultra-Humanite : No, no. We had one just like it when I was... it's very nice. The guard will show you out.

  [as Humanite turns on a strobe light and watches the ornaments blink, Flash peeks in and grins] 

• Ultra-Humanite : What a shame. I broke your toy.

  The Flash : It was a present for some kids who really wanted it.

  Ultra-Humanite : A paltry bit of plastic and crude electronics. They'd have been better off with a book. I suggest Voltaire.

• Ultra-Humanite : [his gun clicks empty]  Huh?

  The Flash : [holding the battery cartridge]  Should have asked Santa for extra batteries.

  [speeding forward, he throws punches, and Humanite falls on the D.J. Rubber Ducky toy] 

  The Flash : No!