Late Night with Conan O'Brien (TV Series)

Don Rickles/Traci Lords/Emmylou Harris (1998)

Robert Smigel: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Lips of Bill Clinton

Quotes 

• Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Rickles over there, mister, "mister big shot Las Vegas", "mister humps the showgirls", mister, "mister I opened for Sinatra". Oh, that must've been a real treat for the Sinatra fans. You know? "Hey folks, we've got Alpo Supreme coming up for you, but first, you've got to drink out of the toilet."

  [audience laughter/cheers] 

  Don Rickles : Adorable animal. Adorable.

  Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : What the hell am I doing? I'm insulting a legend! Rickles is the king.

  Conan O'Brien : ...For you to poop on?

  Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : No! Shut up, you hockey puck! Not for me or ANYONE to poop on! Mr. Rickles, please, I apologize. I, they put me up to this. You're the king, not for anyone. Mr. Rickles, this may be presumptuous on my part, but I would be so honored... may I sniff your butt?

• Conan O'Brien : [to Bill Clinton, who's on a monitor high above Conan and the audience]  Mr. President, any chance you're gonna come down here?

  Lips of Bill Clinton : Forget it, man! No way, no how! Just, just bring on that Don Rickles, I'm sure he'll be real nice to me.

  Conan O'Brien : All right, Mr. President, I just gotta say, it's kinda uncomfortable, y'know, having you up there. It's just...

  Lips of Bill Clinton : What the hell are you saying, man? You afraid I'm gonna spray or something? Listen, man, don't you worry about me, all right? If I get the urge, I'll aim for Max.