- Rosie Greenbaum: Getting a little thick around the middle aren't ya, DeFazio?
- Laverne DeFazio: What was that, Jell-o thighs?
- Shirley Feeney: I'm not going here, do you know where this is?
- Laverne DeFazio: Where?
- Shirley Feeney: This is the Old Ramsdale Manor.
- Laverne DeFazio: So?
- Shirley Feeney: So it's haunted. My brothers warned me about that place when I was a little girl.
- Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, your brothers also warned you about petting and that didn't stop you.
- Shirley Feeney: This is different Laverne, my brothers used to whisper in my ear BEWARE THE LEGEND OF THE RAMSDALE HAIRY THING!
- Laverne DeFazio: Your brothers whispered awfully loud!
- Shirley Feeney: [sees a skull, screams] This person didn't leave here alive.
- Laverne DeFazio: Shirl, it's a knick-knack.
- Shirley Feeney: It's a skull!
- Laverne DeFazio: Does it have hair? Is it a hairy thing?
- Shirley Feeney: No.
- Laverne DeFazio: Then we're staying.
- Laverne DeFazio: [after they rip off the banister] We better put the railing back, we don't want to offend these people.
- Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: Yeah, these aren't people you want mad at you.