Law & Order (TV Series)
Smoke (2003)
Jerry Orbach: Detective Lennie Briscoe
Quotes
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Detective Ed Green : People get around stars, they get stupid.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : Waiting in line to see Madonna is stupid, this is a felony.
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Detective Ed Green : [checking Bender's financials] Damn, I wonder what a 200 dollar haircut looks like.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : Kind of like a 400 dollar car-wash.
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Larry Miller : You don't go into comedy for the money, I can't speak for Monty but then again I can't drive a stick shift.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : Now that's funny.
Larry Miller : It wasn't supposed to be.
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Detective Lennie Briscoe : [arriving at crime scene, referring to Bender] What happened: someone got tired of his routine and jumped?
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Fred : [referring to Bender] You should have seen how he ate. Pizza, cheeseburger, leftover Chinese...
Detective Lennie Briscoe : Something wrong with that?
Fred : You're not funny.
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Detective Lennie Briscoe : All three of 'em have the same story.
Lt. Anita Van Buren : That's what a large bank account gets you.
[her phone rings]
Lt. Anita Van Buren : Van Buren. You're sure? Thanks.
[she hangs up]
Lt. Anita Van Buren : Well, that makes us 0 for 4. Arson investigator says he can't conclude either way.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : So this bastard's gonna walk?
Detective Ed Green : [having entered the room] Uh, maybe not. I checked the web.
Detective Lennie Briscoe : For what, millionaire perverts?
Detective Ed Green : No, I Googled Sammy Morales. Don't ask. Now, his name was all over this one website, UpYourButt.net. Now, in a deposition from a civil suit against Monty Bender, he said...
Lt. Anita Van Buren : Do I want to hear this?
Detective Ed Green : ..."Monty touched my penis with his mouth."
Lt. Anita Van Buren : The answer's no. Pick him up.