- Lizzie: Kate babysits? Since when does Kate babysit? Oh, why don't they just make her queen of the world and be done with it.
- Gordo: Babysitting sounds like a pretty sweet gig. Why don't you do it?
- Lizzie: I don't babysit. I get baby-sat.
- Miranda: And plus, babysitting jobs are hard to get. Parents want to make sure you're mature enough.
- Gordo: Well, I guess Kate sort of does give off some visual signals which imply a biologically nuturing capability...
- Miranda: We get it, Gordo. She's stacked.
- Gordo: Yes. Yes, she is.
- [Mr. McGuire, who Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda think is a burglar, is hit in the crotch with a paint can]
- Gordo: [to Lizzie and Miranda] You guys have to trust me. You have no idea how much that hurts.
- Lizzie: Okay, Gordo. Imagine you live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everybody's predictable.
- Gordo: I do live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everyone's predictable. Thank you.
- Lizzie: Okay, but if you could pick any business you wanted on Main Street, what would it be?
- Gordo: A bookstore containing the works of Navajo and Greek philosophers, a coffeehouse where people only discussed music and politics, a thousand-foot water slide ending in a swim-up counter where they serve free deep-fried pizza and Tyra Banks would be the mayor. I've given this a lot of thought.
- Lizzie: This had better come out of the carpet, Matt.
- [to Miranda]
- Lizzie: What'd you give him grape juice for? I told you ginger ale. At least ginger ale isn't purple.
- Miranda: Grape juice was the only thing that would shut him up. He won't do a thing you say.
- Lizzie: Matt, go upstairs, change your shirt and get cleaned up now.
- Matt McGuire: No.
- Miranda: See?
- Lizzie: Zip it!
- Miranda: Why should I? He won't.
- Lizzie: Matt, starting right now, you do everything I tell you or I'll tell Mom and Dad.
- Matt McGuire: Nuh-uh. You want Mom and Dad to think you're a good babysitter, so you're going to say things went great.
- Lizzie: Then I'll squash you like a bug instead.
- Matt McGuire: Then I'll tell Mom and Dad. Face it. I'm in charge here.
- Lizzie: No. I'm in charge here.
- Gordo: Matt, what do you say we go upstairs and find you a clean shirt?
- Matt McGuire: Okay.
- Lizzie: How come he does what you say?
- Gordo: Well, I'm an older male. He's impressed by me.
- Lizzie: Well, I'm in charge here and he's supposed to do what I say, not what you say.
- Gordo: Who cares who says to do it? He needs a new shirt. He's as sticky as the floor of a movie theater.
- Jo McGuire: [to Matt] Oh, hi, honey. How was practice?
- Matt McGuire: Zachary Greenwald accidentally fell on a sprinkler head and had to get stitches. It was really cool.
- Sam McGuire: And Matt came very close to actually kicking the ball. Didn't you, champ?
- Matt McGuire: Oh, yeah.
- Sam McGuire: [mouths to Jo] No way.
- Jo McGuire: Oh, Debbie Gotchalk called. She can't babysit tomorrow night.
- Sam McGuire: Well, is there someone else we can get?
- Lizzie: Oh, oh, don't get that Olivia Skivin. She makes us listen to country-western non-stop.
- Matt McGuire: Not Mrs. Harvey. She smells dead.
- Jo McGuire: Well, we're not going for Tammy up the street 'cause she makes more an hour than I do.
- Sam McGuire: No way we're going with Mrs. Jaffey. Who lets a 10-year-old boy drink an entire quart of maple syrup?
- Matt McGuire: I liked her.
- Kate Sanders: Hey, Gordo, do you know where the nearest Software Shack is?
- Gordo: Yeah. It's over on Collins Street.
- Kate Sanders: Would they have that software that designs cities and towns and stuff?
- Gordo: You mean CyberTown Maker? They should.
- Lizzie: Okay, Kate, we're supposed to do this assignment ourselves.
- Kate Sanders: Whatever.
- Lizzie: You're supposed to use your imagination, not have some computer do it for you. Gordo, why didn't you tell me there was a program like that?
- Sam McGuire: [about Lizzie babysitting] Sweetheart, you're just not ready yet. This is a big responsibility.
- Lizzie: You've always told me I can do anything if I set my mind to it, honey. And I've set my mind to this. I can do it.
- Jo McGuire: We do say that, Sam.
- Sam McGuire: Lizzie, I added some numbers to the emergency phone list. Also, I've moved all the cleaners out from under the kitchen sink. And whatever you do, do not open the door for anybody.
- Lizzie: And I won't follow the trail of bread crumbs to the gingerbread witch's house. Dad, don't worry.
- Sam McGuire: Okay, look, I just think it was a mistake leaving Lizzie in charge. She's only 13.
- Jo McGuire: Yeah, well, she's only 13, but I mean, she never gets in trouble at school, she gets there and back all by herself and I think she's the only one in the house who knows how to make the picture-in-picture work.
- Sam McGuire: Yeah, but she sleeps until noon on the weekends. She uses the picture-in-picture to watch MTV and cartoons at the same time.
- Sam McGuire: [to Lizzie] It's not that I don't trust you, sweetheart. I guess I still just think of you as the 6-year-old girl that used to need me to chase the monsters out of her closet. I guess I have to get used to the fact that you're not that little girl anymore. You're becoming a young lady now and I have to let you act like one.