- Charlie Hume: Dad... you were a successful businessman for over thirty years. I've never known you to do anything dishonest. Why would you steal five wallets?
- Rupert Hume: I had a quota to meet.
- Charlie Hume: Quota?
- Rupert Hume: Five wallets a day. It's a challenge.
- Lou Grant: You're sure looking spry.
- Rupert Hume: Spry?
- Lou Grant: Yeah.
- Rupert Hume: That's a word you use for old men. Never hear them call a young person 'spry'.
- Lou Grant: How 'bout 'frisky'?
- Rupert Hume: Don't feel that good.
- Rupert Hume: What did he call you?
- Animal: Animal.
- Rupert Hume: Well why would you let anybody call you that?
- Animal: I don't like my real name.
- Rupert Hume: What is it?
- Animal: Dennis.
- Rupert Hume: Well, that's not so bad. Mine's Rupert!
- Charlie Hume: [on phone whith his father, who has been arrested for shoplifting] Listen, eh, I'm gonna be leaving here right now, and I'll be out there in about an hour. You just stay put.
- Rupert Hume: [on other line] Well, I'm not gonna try and bust out.