M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Fallen Idol (1977)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Col. Sherman Potter : [an oversoused Hawkeye had to leave the O.R. to be sick] Listen, you can walk around with your brains at half-mast 24 hours a day for all I care, but when that chopper hits the pad I expect you to tie a slipknot in a match box. It's incomprehensible to me that a surgeon of your caliber would walk into an operating room with a bag on. Okay, let's hear some talk. What's your explanation?
Hawkeye : I screwed up.
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B.J. : [Earlier, Hawkeye barked at hospitalized Radar] Gee, you have a marvelous effect on people.
Col. Potter : [Enters the Swamp; to Hawkeye] What the hell is the matter with you? Are you nuts?
Hawkeye : I think I must be, yes.
Col. Potter : I think you are. I no sooner give you a lecture on one patient, then you go in and try to destroy another! Maybe we should aim you at the Chinese.
Margaret : [Enters; to Hawkeye] I'd like to talk to you.
B.J. : This oughta be good.
Margaret : What is the matter with you?
Col. Potter : Just a minute, Major, I have something to say on that subject myself.
Margaret : Just hang on, you'll get your turn.
Col. Potter : I'll get my turn? I'm the commanding officer!
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Hawkeye : Radar, I'd like to apologize.
Radar : Oh, yeah? Well, you can just forget it. Just forget it! Hell with me, huh? The hell with you! How about that? And another thing,
[gets out of bed]
Radar : I wanna tell you something, anybody says anything about Iowa better be prepared to back it up, pal. I'll give you a fist-full of Iowa naivete right in the puss! How about that? You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. I know what's what just as well as you do. So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself? Ha ha!
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Radar : You walked out on a patient, and Major Winchester had to finish for you!
Hawkeye : So? I'd have done the same for him if he was sick.
Radar : Well, a lot of people don't look at it like you were sick, Hawkeye. A lot of people look up to you here. They admire you and they kinda feel they want to be like you. And... Gee, when you walk out on an operation, they kind of feel like you've let them down. If they can't depend on you, well, they figure, well, maybe there's no point in depending on anything.
Hawkeye : Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children?
[slams down a pillow]
Hawkeye : I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then the hell with it.
[stands up; turns around]
Hawkeye : How *dare* you! The hell with your Iowa naivete and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear and while you're at it, the hell with *you*. Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder. If possible, without going crazy. Period.
[Radar stifles crying]
Hawkeye : Come on, cut it out! Stop it, will you? You *ninny*!
[exits]
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Father Mulcahy : [Hawkeye has just lost it with a hospitalized Radar] I just left Radar. Now, Hawkeye, please accept this with the spirit intended. You're under enormous pressure here and I'm... I just want to know one little thing... Have you lost your mind?
Hawkeye : Father, you don't know how sorry I am.
Father Mulcahy : I mean tha - that boy is lying there in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of body and you... You call him a ninny?
Hawkeye : Father...
Father Mulcahy : I'm incensed! I am outraged! Where is your decency, man? Your humanity? I am acrimonious! I am not a man given to physical demonstrations of emotion, but let me tell you, I am persuaded to violence!
Hawkeye : Go ahead, Father.
Father Mulcahy : Well, I think I will!
[kicks down the stove]
B.J. : I'm glad you let it out, Father.
Father Mulcahy : Well as a matter of fact, I found it *particularly* unsatisfying. And if you want to know the *truth*, it is entirely possible I have *broken* my toe!
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Hawkeye : Radar, I'd like to apologize.
Radar : Oh, yeah? Well, you can just forget it. Just forget it. Hell with me, huh? The hell with *you*. How about that? And another thing,
[gets out of bed]
Radar : I wanna tell you something, anybody says anything about Iowa better be prepared to back it up, pal. I'll give you a fist-full of Iowa naivete right in the puss! How about that? You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. I know what's what just as well as you do. So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself? Ha!
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Radar : [confiding] I don't think that this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I work under terrible pressures, and there's lots of death and destruction and stuff. But other than that, I don't think I'm getting much out of it.
B.J. : I knew there was something wrong with this place.
Radar : I mean, the army's supposed to... it's well, it's supposed to make a man out of you, isn't it?
Hawkeye : It depends which sex you are to start with. You have to meet them halfway.
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Col. Sherman Potter : [to Hawkeye] Your behavior is incomprehensible. Again! You have a boy there, fresh out of the cornfields, who is highly vulnerable and impressionable, not to mention the fact that he worships you...
Margaret : Although, *why* I can't see!
Col. Sherman Potter : And you make this kid the target of the most bellicose barrel full of Bull Durham anybody's ever heard you utter!
Margaret : And I for one have heard you utter plenty!
Col. Sherman Potter : If you don't mind, I *rehearsed* this as a single.
Margaret : And you're doing fine. Really.
Col. Sherman Potter : Gee, Major, I appreciate that. Now will you *clam up*?
[to Hawkeye]
Col. Sherman Potter : This boy's been told he's nothing more than a pimple on a flea by the man whose opinion he values more than anyone in the world. And I think you *damn well* better do something about it! Now what do you think?
Hawkeye : I think you're right.
[Exits]
Margaret : I never got to say anything!
