M*A*S*H (TV Series)
The M*A*S*H Olympics (1977)
Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : So your gonna eat you way to a discharge?
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : I call it food for freedom.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : I call it suicide by salami.
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Sir, do anything, but don't yell.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Quiet!
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [B.J. and Hawkeye are leading the camp in morning calisthenics] Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two...
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Hold--Wait a minute, wait a minute. You in the woodwind section.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Brass.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Why aren't you playing toe touchies?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Gentlemen, we're all just fooling ourselves here.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Isn't that what the army's all about?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Morning exercise is futile at best. When one arises, the body is more subject to postural hypotension.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : You tell 'em, Doc!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Blood flows away from the brain, and blacking out becomes a distinct possibility. Well, what it all boils down to, gentlemen, is that you're not getting one toe touchie out of me.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [Addressing the team] All right, all right. I know. I know we've lost the last two events, but that's only a temporary setback. I have every reason to believe we're gonna go out there and win this thing!
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : [the team cheers] All right. I'm with you Captain.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Margaret, you wanted to say a few words?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Yes, thank you, Captain.
[She stands on a bench]
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You people stink! You're slow! You're lazy! You have no spirit! Do B.J. and I have to carry this whole crummy team? Now I want you to get out there and fight! Fight, fight, fight! Let's take it to them! Let's cut out their hearts! Let's win!
[She sits back down]
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Thank you, Captain.