- Guy of Gisborne: [telling about his Christmas presents] And my own personal Walkman!
- Marian: [pretending to be interested] Really!
- Guy of Gisborne: Well, he runs if you shout at him. And- I have a yo-yo!
- Marian: Have you?
- Guy of Gisborne: Yo! Ha, ha, ha! Do you get it? I said I've got a yo-yo, you said, "Have you?" and I said, "Yo"!
- Marian: [fake laugh] Yes! Hysterical! Shall we find somewhere to sit down?
- Robin: But what if they ask me about carpet laying? I've never *laid* *anything* in my life!
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: We'll say you're on work experience.
- Robin: I'm a little... *mature* for that, aren't I?
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: We'll say you're a slow learner.
- Robin: But will they *believe* it?
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: Robin, I'm *sure* they will.
- Marian: [Marian and Nettle watch from a distance as the hysterical young women of Worksop flock around Robin] Young girls! It's pathetic, isn't it?
- Cowpat: [to Robin] Would you mind signing my arm, please? I've never met a real star before!
- Robin: Oh well, I suppose so, okay, yeah!
- Cowpat: Oh, I'll never wash again!
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: You never wash anyway.
- Robin: Who shall I put it to?
- Cowpat: Cowpat, please!
- Robin: Cowpat. It's a pretty name. "To Cowpat, with love and best wishes from-"
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: Can I touch your hair, please?
- Robin: Well...
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: Can I, can I, can I?
- Marian: Look at him! His head's so swollen it'll split in two in a minute, and his brains'll drop out.
- Robin: [Calls over] Hey! Marian! Apparently Smash Hits readers have voted me the outlaw they'd most like to snog!
- The Sheriff: For the eighty-seventh time, shut up!
- Gary: Eighty-sixth.
- The Sheriff: SHUT UP!
- Gary: Eighty-seventh.
- King John: Robin Hood, Robin Hood, that's all I ever hear! I don't want much out of life: Robin Hood dead, my nephew off my hands, and a national anthem with a little bit of go in it. It's not a lot to ask, but do I get it? No way!
- Graeme: Poor King John. The cares of the nation lie very heavy on his shoulders, don't they sir?
- The Sheriff: Yes, with a bit of luck a few more cares will dislocate them and his head'll fall off.
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: [in a stage whisper from across the courtyard] Sheriff!
- The Sheriff: Yes Gary?
- Gary: I didn't say anything.
- The Sheriff: Oh.
- 'Rotten' Rose Scargill: [edges closer] Sheriff!
- The Sheriff: You're not mucking about are you Gary?
- Gary: No sir!
- The Sheriff: [spooked] You haven't... turned into a woman, have you?
- Gary: [defensively] No sir, my bike's got a crossbar and everything!
- Gary: Poor King John. The cares of the nation lie very heavy on his shoulders.
- The Sheriff: With a bit of luck a few more cares will dislocate them and his head will fall off.