The Monkees (TV Series)

Hillbilly Honeymoon (1967)

Lou Antonio: Judd

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jud Weskitt : You no account city slicker!

  Davy : I'm not a city slicker!

  Jud Weskitt : How much is one and one?

  Davy : Two.

  Jud Weskitt : That proves it, ya fast talkin' sharpie!

  Davy : But I'm not from the city, I'm English.

  Maw Weskitt : [jumps off her rocking chair]  A dang Red-Coat! I knew they'd be comin' back.

  Davy : Wha- well, you haven't been at war with the British since 1812.

  Maw Weskitt : That's the year I was born, sonny, I remember it very clear.

  Davy : What's kept you alive all this time?

  Maw Weskitt : Hate! Hate and vengeance!

• Micky : What is this?

  [holds up a spoon] 

  Jud Weskitt : That is a... spoon.

  Micky : Right, what do we do with it?

  Jud Weskitt : And we... eat with it!

  [Micky, Mike and Peter cheer] 

  Micky : What's this, Jud?

  [holds up a fork] 

  Jud Weskitt : That is a... vark.

  [Micky, Mike and Peter cheer] 

  Micky : What do we do with it?

  Jud Weskitt : And we... eat with it!

  [Micky, Mike and Peter cheer] 

  Micky : Hold it, wait, wait, hold it. What is this, Jud?

  [holds up a knife] 

  Jud Weskitt : That is a... knife!

  [Micky, Mike and Peter cheer] 

  Micky : What do we do with it?

  Jud Weskitt : And we...

  [grabs the knife] 

  Jud Weskitt : stab out blindly at those who would make us eat with a fork and spoon!

• Mike : You gotta be sweet instead of surly. You gotta be tender instead of taciturn. You gotta... you gotta be amiable instead of angry.

  Jud Weskitt : Then what?

  Mike : Then what? Well, you can ask yourself "Whatever happened to the good old Jud Weskitt?"

• Mike : Listen...

  Jud Weskitt : What?

  Mike : Ella Mae Chubber's gettin hitched.

  Jud Weskitt : Well, what happened, did Chubber's horse die?

  Mike : Did the chubbers horse die? No, not to a wagon, man, she's getting married!

• Davy : Listen, you wait here, I'll go and get the preacher. Here's the ring.

  Jud Weskitt : Thanks, stranger. Say, I'd sure like for you to be my best man.

  Davy : Oh, that's a very nice gesture, Jud.

  Jud Weskitt : And lend me two bucks for the preacher?

  Davy : Two bucks! How much is that in English money?

  Jud Weskitt : Seventeen shilling and six pence.

  Davy : Okay, I'll manage that.

• Mike : Look, Jud, if you want to be qualified for Ella Mae, you got to treat her like a gentleman.

  Jud Weskitt : But she's a girl.

  Micky : [to camera]  Isn't that dumb?

• Peter : All right, let's try it again. Now, what are the four qualities that a lady respects most in a gentleman?

  Jud Weskitt : Kindness... consideration... affection... and a punch in the mouth!

  Peter : Well, that's three out of four.

• Paw Chubber : I'll kill the first Weskitt that crosses that line!

  Jud Weskitt : Oh, I'll shoot the first Chubber that crosses!

  Peter : Oh, well, we're neither Weskitt nor Chubber.

  Davy : No!

  Peter : I guess that lets us off the hook.

  Paw Chubber : We both hate strangers!

  [both families cock their guns and aim at the Monkees] 

  Peter : I geuss that, er, puts us back on the hook.

• Jud Weskitt : Who's you?

  Mike : You remember your cousins Claude & Leroy?

  Jud Weskitt : No I don't.

  Mike : Do you remember your cousins Luke & Ezra?

  Jud Weskitt : No I don't.

  Mike : You remember your cousins Roland & Clem?

  Jud Weskitt : Er, yes, I do!

  Mike : Yep, well, that's who we are, Roland & Clem.

  Jud Weskitt : Whatever happened to cousins Luke, Ezra, Claude & Leroy?

  Mike : Well, they said, say hello.

  Jud Weskitt : Hello!

• Maw Weskitt : Congratulations, cousins, and welcome to the family.

  Micky : Thanks, Maw. You sure play great garbage!

  Jud Weskitt : [to Mike]  How did you learn how to play such a good nose?