- Dr. Lorene Sisters: [on TV] Our next letter is from 'Tormented'.
- Peter: Hey, that's me, Tormented!
- Peter: [the other Monkees join Peter around the TV set] Get out of my area!
- Mike: Oh, shut up.
- Dr. Lorene Sisters: [on TV] It reads: Dear Doctor Sisters, my three friends and I are all in love with the same girl. These friends are very dear to me, and I wouldn't want to lose them for the world.
- [Micky, Mike and Davy cheer for Peter]
- Dr. Lorene Sisters: So my question is, what can I do to cut them out?
- [Mickey, Mike and Davy boo Peter]
- Dr. Lorene Sisters: Tormented, you say in the rest of your heartbreaking and ungramatical letter that you boys have made this girl fond of each of you, by taking on interests she likes.
- Davy: That's right, what of it?
- Dr. Lorene Sisters: I'll tell you what of it. You've placed this girl in a dangerously emotional state. She is now drawn to four different boys. And this unresolved conflict could lead to a nervous collapse.
- Micky: You gotta be kidding!
- Dr. Lorene Sisters: Do I look like a kidder?
- Mike: What's that?
- April Conquest: I'm working on my doctor's thesis.
- Mike: Oh, why can't your doctor work on his own thesis?
- Davy: [on the phone] Oh, hello... Mrs Conquest? Ehm, This is Sir David Armstrong Jones of the British BBC. Aheh, that stands for Better Be Clean.
- April Conquest: Micky, do you dance ballet?
- Micky: Do fish swim?
- [Micky flies across the room as if on strings]
- Davy: How did he do that?
- Micky: A man in love has the strength of thousands!
- Davy: [Davy goes to the table] Um, excuse me miss, but, uh...
- [April turns her head to face Davy, stands up, takes of her glasses which causes Davy to look up]
- Davy: Have you go-...
- April Conquest: Yes?
- Davy: [stammering] S-s-s-s-soap! Soap... soap...
- [Davy backs off in awe]
- Micky: I'm gonna need some soap. Listen have you got any so-...
- [Micky suddenly stops when he sees April]
- Micky: - -ap... soap... soap...
- April Conquest: I'm working on my doctor's thesis.
- Mike: Why can't your doctor work on his own thesis?