Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Mr. and Mrs. Brian Norris' Ford Popular (1972)

Eric Idle: Voice Over #2, Man on Left, Stebbins, Jackie, Vicar, First Presenter, Gary Coover, First Knight, Third Officer, Second Guard, Newsreader, 'It's' Announcer, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Narrator : At this stage Mr. Norris was faced with two major divergent theories concerning his Surbiton ancestors. Did they take the Kingston Bypass turning left at Barnes, or did they strike west up the A308 via Normanton to Hampton Wick? Both these theories run up against one big obstacle, the Thames. Lying like a silver turd between Richmond and Isel.

  [stopped at edge of the river right next to a bridge] 

  Narrator : This was a major set back. How could they possibly cross the river?

• Headmaster : Right, it's come to my notice that certain boys have been running a unit-trust linked assurance scheme with fringe benefits and full cash-in endowment facilities. Apparently a number of small investors were attracted by the wide-ranging portfolio and that in the first week the limited offer was oversubscribed eight times.

  Stebbins : It was Tidwell's idea, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up, Stebbins, I haven't finished! Oh, and congratulations on winning the Italian Grand Prix at Monza.

  Stebbins : Thank you, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up. Now then, this sort of extra-curricular capitalist expansion has got to stop! I made it quite clear when Potter tried to go public last term, that these massive stock-exchange deals, must not happen in big school. Is that clear, Balderston?

  Balderston : Yes, sir.

  Headmaster : Oh and Balderston, next time you do a Panorama report on the black ghettos you must get an exeat form from Mr. Dibley.

  Balderston : Sorry, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up. And stop slouching. Now, the reason I called you in here is because my wife is having some trouble with her... her waterworks. Now which one of you is the surgeon? Come on, I know one of you is, which one is it?

  [Tidwell raises his hand] 

  Headmaster : Ah Tidwell, good, well I want you to come along and have a look at the wife.

  Tidwell : Oh sir, why don't you ask Stebbins? He's a gynecologist.

  Stebbins : Oh you rotten stinker, Tidwell!

  Headmaster : Is this true, Stebbins? Are you a gynecologist?

  Stebbins : Yes, sir.

  Headmaster : Right, just the man, how much do you charge?

  Stebbins : Thirty guineas, sir.

  Headmaster : Excellent! Right. I want you to go along, see the wife. Give her a full examination. Let me know the results by the end of break. And don't pick your nose!

• Alan : [How To Do It set]  Hello.

  Noel : Hello.

  Alan : Well, last week we showed you how to become a gynecologist. And this week on How To Do It, we're going to show you how to play the flute, how to split an atom, how to construct a box-girder bridge, how to irrigate the Sahara desert and make vast new areas of land cultivatable, but first, here's Jackie to tell you how to rid the world of all known diseases.

  Jackie : Hello Alan.

  Alan : Hello Jackie.

  Jackie : Well, first of all become a doctor and discover a marvelous cure for something, and then, when the medical world really starts to take notice of you, you can jolly well tell them what to do and make sure they get everything right so there'll never be diseases ever again.

  Alan : Thanks, Jackie. Great Idea. How to play the flute. Well here we are. You blow there and you move fingers up and down there.

  Noel : Great, great Alan. Well, next week, we'll be showing you how black and white people can live together in peace and harmony, and Alan will be over in Moscow showing you how to reconcile the Russians and the Chinese. So, until next week, cheerio.

  Alan : Bye.

  Jackie : Bye.

• Newsreader : The BBC wishes to deny rumors that it is going into liquidation. Mrs. Kelly, who owns the flat where they live, has said that they can stay on till the end of the month...

  [He's handed a piece of paper] 

  Newsreader : And we've just heard that Huw Weldon's watch has been accepted by the London Electricity Board and transmissions for this evening can be continued as planned.

  [He pulls the blanket around his shoulders] 

  Newsreader : That's all from me so... goodnight.

  Mr. Kelly : [knocking on the door]  Are you going to be in there all night?

  Newsreader : It's just a bulletin, Mr. Kelly. And now, back to the story.

  [More knocking] 

  Newsreader : Alright!