Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Whicker's World (1972)

Terry Jones: Nude Organist, Judge, Erik Njorl, Mrs. Varley, Alan Whicker #2, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judge : Michael Norman Randall, you have been found guilty of the murder of Arthur Reginald Webster, Charles Patrick Trumpington, Marcel Agnes Bernstein, Lewis Anona Rudd, John Malcolm Kerr, Nigel Sinclair Robinson, Norman Arthur Potter, Felicity Jayne Stone, Jean Paul Reynard, Rachel Shirly Donaldson, Stephen Jay Greenblatt, Karl Heinz Muller, Belinda Anne Ventham, Juan Carlos Fernandez, Thor Olaf Stensgaard, Lord Kimberley of Pretoria, Lady Kimberley of Pretoria, The Right Honourable Nigel Warmsley Kimberley, Robert Henry Noonan, and Felix James Bennett, on or about the morning of the 19th December 1972. Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?

  Mr. Randall : Yes, sir. I'm very sorry.

• [Erik Njorl, son of Frothgar, has just been sworn in] 

  Superintendent : You are hereby charged: one, that you did, on or about 1126, conspire to publicise a London Borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were wilfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz., the big brown table down at the police station...

  Judge : The big brown table down at the police station?

  Superintendent : The big brown table down at the police station?

  All : Assaulting a police officer!

  Prosecuting Counsel : Call Police Constable Pan-Am.

  [Pan-Am enters, randomly beating people with his truncheon] 

  Prosecuting Counsel : Into the witness box, Constable, there'll be plenty of time for that later on. Now, you are Police Constable Pan-Am?

  Police Constable Pan-Am : No! I shall deny that to the last breath in my body!

  [superintendent gestures to him] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : Oh, sorry! Yes.

  Prosecuting Counsel : Police Constable, do you recognize the defendant?

  Police Constable Pan-Am : No. Never seen him before in my life.

  [superintendent gestures again] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : Oh, yes, yes, he's the one. He done it. I'd recognize him anywhere! Sorry, super.

  Prosecuting Counsel : Constable, will you please tell the court in your own words what happened.

  Police Constable Pan-Am : Oh yes!

  [refers to a notebook] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : I was proceeding in a northerly direction up Alitalia Street when I saw the deceased

  [indicates Erik] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : standing at an upstairs window, baring her bosom at the general public. She then took off her - wait a tick. Wrong story.

  Police Constable Pan-Am : [leafs through notebook]  Oh yes. There were three nuns in a railway station and the ticket inspector says to one of them...

  [superintendent gestures] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : No... anyway, I clearly saw the deceased...

  Clerk : Defendant.

  Police Constable Pan-Am : Defendant! Sorry. Sorry, super. I clearly saw the defendant... doing whatever he's accused of. Red handed! When kicked - cautioned, he said,

  [as if reading line by line] 

  Police Constable Pan-Am : "It's a fair. Cop I done it all. Right no doubt about that." Then, bound as he was to the chair, he assaulted myself and three other officers while bouncing around the cell. The end.

  [applause and cheering] 

• Judge : [Very impatient]  Well let's get a move-on. I've got a Gay Lib meeting at six o' clock. Superintendent, will you please read the charge?

  Superintendent : Is a charge strictly necessary, m'lud?

  Judge : [Heavy aside]  The press is here...

  Superintendent : Oh! Sorry... Right, you are hereby charged: One, that you did conspire to publicize a North London borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were willfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz. the big brown table down at the police station.

  Judge : The big brown table down at the police station?

  Superintendent : It was the best we could find, m'lud. And five, all together now...

  All : Assaulting a police officer!