- Eddie Munster: [after Herman hits his first shot on the par-5 first hole with an eight-iron] Hey, Dad?
- Herman Munster: Hmm?
- Eddie Munster: It's in the rough.
- Herman Munster: Darn!
- Eddie Munster: On the third hole, 1500 yards away. I think you over-clubbed yourself.
- Grandpa Munster: [Herman's having a temper tantrum and stoming through living room floor] Excuse me Lilly, while I finish this conversation with Herman in the dungeon.
- Herman Munster: The Munsters, mind you, the entire family, has won a membership to the Mockingbird Hights Country Club
- [the entire family cheers]
- Lily Munster: Oh Herman, oh, that club is so exclusive! Why, you know, you have to wait for one of the members to pass away before you can even be considered for membership.
- Herman Munster: I know, that's what's so wonderful. Once we're in, we can stay forever.
- Grandpa Munster: As far as I can recall, no member of my family ever passed away for good.
- Lily Munster: Grandpa, this place is depressingly cheerful. But I suppose this modern decor is what they go in for.
- The 2nd Model: Simple chiffon from the Paris collection, $129.95.
- Lily Munster: This ensemble has a cape made of tufted coffin lining in a lovely shade of cemetery green. This little number was very inexpensive. The fabric is made of black widows' webs, and the underslip, pure unborn centipede.
- Reginald Stubbs: Hey, that's not Charlie Hinshaw, who are those... people?
- Petrie: [with extreme disdain] Those are the Munsters.
- Reginald Stubbs: Good heavens!
- Petrie: She's gambling with the bartender, she's gotten herself so stoned, she's joining the fashion show. You still want those contest winners in our club?
- Lily Munster: It's just lucky you didn't run into that fiend this morning when you were playing there.
- Herman Munster: Don't say such a thing, dear If I ever came face to face with a frightening, horrible creature like that, it would scare me out of a hundred years growth!