- Lily Munster: He didn't even mention the L.E.T.T.E.R.
- Marilyn Munster: You're absolutely R.I.G.H.T
- Lily Munster: I'd better not find out he's becoming a P.H.I.L.A.N.... A.N....
- Eddie Munster: I don't know what you guys are talking about, but 'philanderer' is spelled P.H.I.L.A.N.D.E.R.E.R.
- Marilyn Munster: Are you really going over to Clyde's?
- Lily Munster: I certainly am. I think that Herman is meeting his female penpal at Clyde's apartment.
- Marilyn Munster: What if you find out it's true?
- Lily Munster: What will I do? I will take Herman apart so that even Dr. Frankenstein couldn't put him back together again.
- Clara Mason: Is this Herman Munster's house?
- Ann Carter: This is it, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.
- Clara Mason: Oh, this is just the kind of place I would expect my mysterious romantic writer to live in!
- Clyde Thornton: [reading aloud from the Mortician Montly] 'Going out to pasture' by Herman Munster When your grazing days are over and you've gone to your reward. Let us put plant you 'neath the clover at a price you can afford.
- Herman Munster: See, I've never written mush to girls before. I usually write my mush to flowers and sunsets and waterfalls, junk like that.
- Herman Munster: You know, Clyde, it makes me feel very good to have been of some help to you. I mean, there have been hundreds of ghost in my family, but never a ghost-writer.
- Lily Munster: There's an ancient Transylvanian proverb we used to have in the old country: always put the shortest chain on the oldest wolf.
- Clara Mason: Clyde, have you been hiding a book of poetry out in those bushes?
- Clyde Thornton: Oh no!
- Clara Mason: Then where did you get all those words?
- Herman Munster: Alright, explain it to me, Grandpa, Lily's not here, but she circled Clyde's adress in the phonebook.
- Grandpa: Now why would she do that?
- Herman Munster: Don't you get it? Clyde told me he met a girl on a bus. Right?
- Grandpa: Right.
- Herman Munster: Clyde never told me the name of the girl he met on the bus. Right?
- Grandpa: Right.
- Herman Munster: Every day, Lily takes the bus to go shopping. Right?
- Grandpa: Right.
- Herman Munster: And Lily acts very funny every time I mention the name of Clyde!
- Grandpa: Hmmm.
- Herman Munster: So, fears to witt and ergo, the girl on the bus is Lily, and I have been helping sly old Clyde romance her with my letters!
- Herman Munster: Maybe Grandpa's right. My poetry's so rancid I can't ever remember it.
- [reciting]
- Herman Munster: My life was nothing until your sweet presence...
- Lily Munster: Until your sweet presence breathed the breath of love into my soul...
- Herman Munster: Lily, you remembered it!
- Lily Munster: Of course, Herman. And I don't think your poetry is rancid at all.
- Herman Munster: Dear, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!
- Lily Munster: Hm, thank you, sugarfang.