- Fozzie: I went to a diet doctor, and in just two months I lost $300!
- [suddenly he double-checks the script with confusion, apparently not getting it]
- Ethel Merman: Is this a show or a zoo?
- Animal: [pops up on stage] Hiya!
- Ethel Merman: It's a zoo.
- [screams]
- Animal: Perfect pitch.
- [Ethel hits Animal over the head with fist]
- Guy in theater: [to Statler & Waldorf] Hey will you guys hold it down up there!
- Fozzie: [talking to guy in the theater audience] You don't want them interrupting my act, right?
- Guy in theater: No, I don't want them interrupting our sleep!
- Guy in theater: Hey bring on the comic!
- Fozzie: I am the comic.
- Guy in theater: Then bring on the girls!
- Fozzie: This is not that kind of show!
- Guy in theater: Then bring on the girl comic!