- [last lines]
- Horace Lynchfield: Now, what I need is some cigarettes and a stiff drink. Let's get out of here, okay?
- Jessica Fletcher: Oh! At the risk of sounding like a nag, Horace, you're gonna have to do something about your drinking.
- Horace Lynchfield: Are you saying to cut back? That would be like depriving a race car of its gasoline.
- Clerk: Oh. May I help you?
- [Horace pulls out his gun-shaped lighter, the clerk sees it, screams and presses the alarm]
- Jessica Fletcher: You might also consider giving up, uh, cigarettes.
- Jessica Fletcher: Are we going to that reception?
- Horace Lynchfield: With free drinks? That is a rhetorical question.
- A.D.A. Mel Comstock: Gentlemen, you've got exactly two hours to figure out who owns the pig sticker with the fancy handle!
- A.D.A. Mel Comstock: So you admit the sword umbrella is yours.
- Horace Lynchfield: Right. I bought it at an antique store on Second Avenue.
- A.D.A. Mel Comstock: You bought it for the purpose of killing Mr. Post.
- Horace Lynchfield: No, I bought it, because it was raining.
- Jessica Fletcher: Maybe you didn't spend the night with her.
- Horace Lynchfield: I didn't?
- Jessica Fletcher: Maybe she made it up to give herself an alibi.
- Horace Lynchfield: I hope not. I was so looking forward to remembering.
- Jessica Fletcher: Horace, you've got to take this thing seriously. Somebody has killed Hemsley Post.
- Horace Lynchfield: All right. I'm almost positive I didn't do it. Now what can I do to help?
- Horace Lynchfield: Stray dogs, alcoholic poets, beginning writers. No wonder I'm so crazy about you!