- Appolonia James: [Narrating] Fingal was my first compulsory dopple.
- Mike Nelson: I didn't want to bungle or bobble the Fingal dopple!
- Tom Servo: I'm sorry these two didn't end up together.
- Mike Nelson: They did.
- Tom Servo: Oh, then I'm sorry about that.
- Fingal: Bunch of sleepwalkers! Never saw a cinema in their lives.
- Crow: Never saw a Chris Farley movie. Philistines!
- Tom Servo: [as commandment stones fall from the sky into Fingal's hands] Here are some more commandments I forgot!
- [we see a lobby with fancy planters and "Nirvana" written on the floor]
- Crow: [singing] Come as you are. To my mall. To my atrium!
- [Fingal watches "Casablanca" on his computer monitor]
- Tom Servo: Never show a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie.
- Fat Man: Good of you to spare me the time, Mr Fingal. I shall be brief.
- [walks off, Tom, Crow and Mike make burping and fartings noises]
- Appolonia James: We haven't even had a dance together.
- Crow: You never bought a muffler together, either. What's the point?
- Mike Nelson: [Starts snowing in movie] This is how much pure cocaine you'd need to enjoy this movie.
- Mike Nelson: I guess this movie was kinda like watching Casablanca... while having a small child use your groin as a punching bag.
- Mike Nelson: [an image of a large man circles in the sky] Really, REALLY Big Brother.
- Tom Servo: Someone turn off the fat rotating guy.
- [Raul Julia's face appears in a large cube]
- Tom Servo: Hey guys, see I though he was Puerto Rican...
- Mike Nelson: [groaning, anticipating joke] Oh no, don't...
- Tom Servo: [giggling] ... I didn't know he was CUBE-an.
- Pearl Forrester: Today's film is Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, starring the late Raul Julia, a very wonderful actor. What he was doing in this piece of s-
- [Is about to say "shit", but stalls]
- Pearl Forrester: surely, very... quality, quality, film-making.
- Appolonia James: Can't lose you now.
- Mike Nelson: The energy surge gave her a new hairdo.
- Appolonia James: We never had a dance together.
- Crow: Well, we never bought a muffler together either. What's the point?
- Pearl Forrester: [singing] I really do like pie.
- Observer: [singing] I know a couple guys, uh...
- Pearl Forrester: [singing] They really do like pies.
- Rick: It's up to you.
- Fingal: It's okay, buddy, I can handle it.
- Crow: And what is the 'it' which is to him 'up' and which he can perhaps handle?
- Tom Servo: [as kids run amok around the patients with exposed brains] Must be "Children of the Damned" day at the brain institute.
- Crow: [referring an item on Appolonia's Venus costume] Uhm, that's poison oak on your naughty bits, Ma'am.
- Fingal: I can't stand this anymore... I'm so bored.
- Tom Servo: Okay, which one of us said that?
- Fingal: Maybe out there I have to take it, but not in here.
- Mike Nelson: [as Fingal] I'm going to get a Glock and mow all these people down!
- Fingal: Appolonia, where are you!
- Crow: Gee, you think she might be sitting on her bony rear-end in that room with her hand to her ear?
- Fat Man: Negative input! Fingal's too curious! Girl's to eager to help!
- Crow: [as chairman] Pork delivery's late!
- Mike Nelson: [Rick barricades the door preventing the Fat Man from entering] Oh, that'll stop the 400 pound guy who smells pancakes!