- [first lines]
- Jack Halford: Kempton.
- Gerry Standing: 2:30,Fat Chance, five pound to win.
- Jack Halford: Three to one.
- Gerry Standing: 3:30, ten pound, Happy Clappy to win.
- Jack Halford: Five to one!
- Brian Lane: Morning.
- Gerry Standing: Weatherby, three o'clock, Mission Accomplished, twenty quid on the nose.
- Jack Halford: It was sixteen to one!
- Supt. Sandra Pullman: What are you doing?
- Gerry Standing: Gerry's bets! Last week his winnings amounted to...
- Brian Lane: One thousand eight hundred and seventy-three pounds.
- Supt. Sandra Pullman: Well. Hope you're pleased with yourself.
- Gerry Standing: Yes! You see, because of *you* I didn't put any money on 'em. These are the bets I would have made if I was still gambling, but... now I'm reformed, now it plays no part in my life, I can't stop bloody winning.
- [Jack and Brian start to laugh]
- Supt. Sandra Pullman: Don't read the papers, then.
- Gerry Standing: I'm a man; we all read the papers. Backwards, starting with the sporting pages.
- [last lines]
- Gerry Standing: Mr. Strickland. Um... I seem to remember a little wager we had. Twenty pounds, I think.
- D.A.C. Strickland: Yeah, yeah, you'll get it.
- [Strickland leaves]
- Gerry Standing: Thank you.
- Supt. Sandra Pullman: Was that some kind of a *bet*?
- Gerry Standing: No! Well, yes, but it was... Look, it didn't have anything to do with...
- Jack Halford: Horses.
- Gerry Standing: No.
- Brian Lane: Or dogs.
- Gerry Standing: No.
- Supt. Sandra Pullman: Tossers!