NewsRadio (TV Series)

The Trainer (1996)

Stephen Root: Jimmy James

Quotes 

• Lisa : You're Canadian?

  Jimmy : I am?

  Lisa : Not you, sir. Him.

  Jimmy : Oh, no. Dave? He's from the Midwest, the heart of America where the real Americans live. You're as American as apple pie, aren't you, Dave?

  Dave : Yeah.

  Lisa : [holds up Dave's birth certificate]  Well, then what is this all about?

  Dave : What is what all abo... ab... uh, what's what?

  Lisa : You're afraid to say it, aren't you?

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : Yes, you are.

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : Yes, you are. If you have nothing to hide, Dave, say "about."

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : Say it!

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : Say "out."

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : "House."

  Dave : No.

  Lisa : "Couch."

  Dave : Your honor, I plead the fifth.

  Lisa : I don't know if you have that right, Dave.

  Dave : I do too, eh!

  [Lisa gasps] 

  Jimmy : Oh my God...

• Lisa : At least in America you don't get executed from using the wrong fork.

  Jimmy : Yeah, tell that to... never mind.

  Lisa : Who?

  Jimmy : I said too much already. For your sake, just stop talking and walk away.

• Dave : Sir, I've eaten with you dozens of times, and your table manners are fine.

  Jimmy : No they are NOT fine! Listen to me. I've spent years cultivating the worst table manners on the planet.

  Dave : Excuse me?

  Jimmy : You don't get it, do you?

  Dave : No, but... you know, I've grown accustomed to that.

  Jimmy : It's an old business ploy. You intimidate the guy you're dealing with by eating like a slob.

  Dave : And... that's effective?

  Jimmy : Oh, hell, yes. I've cut millions off of deals by eating baked beans with my HANDS.

• [Dave is teaching Jimmy table manners] 

  Jimmy : Where's the food?

  Dave : It's just pretend.

  Jimmy : Dave, pretend is for little girls and mental patients. Sucks on pretend! Do you have any real food?

  Dave : There's, um... 10-day-old donuts.

  Jimmy : All right.

  Dave : Don't eat it. Bear in mind that it's 10 days old.

  Jimmy : [Looking at how hard it is]  I'll try to resist.