- Lisa: You're Canadian?
- Jimmy: I am?
- Lisa: Not you, sir. Him.
- Jimmy: Oh, no. Dave? He's from the Midwest, the heart of America where the real Americans live. You're as American as apple pie, aren't you, Dave?
- Dave: Yeah.
- Lisa: [holds up Dave's birth certificate] Well, then what is this all about?
- Dave: What is what all abo... ab... uh, what's what?
- Lisa: You're afraid to say it, aren't you?
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: Yes, you are.
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: Yes, you are. If you have nothing to hide, Dave, say "about."
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: Say it!
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: Say "out."
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: "House."
- Dave: No.
- Lisa: "Couch."
- Dave: Your honor, I plead the fifth.
- Lisa: I don't know if you have that right, Dave.
- Dave: I do too, eh!
- [Lisa gasps]
- Jimmy: Oh my God...
- Beth: This is Dave's private information. It's strictly confidential. So under any circumstances, never, ever, tell Dave I let you look at it.
- Dave: Sir, I've eaten with you dozens of times, and your table manners are fine.
- Jimmy: No they are NOT fine! Listen to me. I've spent years cultivating the worst table manners on the planet.
- Dave: Excuse me?
- Jimmy: You don't get it, do you?
- Dave: No, but... you know, I've grown accustomed to that.
- Jimmy: It's an old business ploy. You intimidate the guy you're dealing with by eating like a slob.
- Dave: And... that's effective?
- Jimmy: Oh, hell, yes. I've cut millions off of deals by eating baked beans with my HANDS.
- [Dave is teaching Jimmy table manners]
- Jimmy: Where's the food?
- Dave: It's just pretend.
- Jimmy: Dave, pretend is for little girls and mental patients. Sucks on pretend! Do you have any real food?
- Dave: There's, um... 10-day-old donuts.
- Jimmy: All right.
- Dave: Don't eat it. Bear in mind that it's 10 days old.
- Jimmy: [Looking at how hard it is] I'll try to resist.
- Bill McNeal: [Eating a 10-day-old donut] You know, these are just like the donuts my mother use to make for me.
- Bill McNeal: So Dave's Canadian. So what? Everyone here is from different places. Joe, where is your family from?
- Joe Garrelli: Italy.
- Bill McNeal: And Beth?
- Beth: Ireland.
- Bill McNeal: How about you, Catherine?
- Catherine Duke: Africa.
- Matthew Brock: Really, you're from Africa?
- Bill McNeal: And Matthew, of course, is from Neptune. I, myself, am descended from the Pilgrims who came over on the Mayflower from... Portugal, or somewhere.
- Matthew Brock: So Catherine, where in Africa are you from?
- Catherine Duke: Shut up, Matthew.
- Matthew Brock: Say something in African.
- Catherine Duke: Shut the...
- [Edit]
- Matthew Brock: [Looking at Dave's birth certificate] Ooh, look at those tiny little feet.
- Beth: Still the same size.
- Joe Garrelli: I can't believe Dave's Canadian. All those times we talked about hockey and he pretended not to know anything about it.