The Office (TV Series)

Motivation (2002)

Matthew Holness: Simon

Quotes 

• Simon : Yeah well I went down there the first day it opened right, and I did a couple of laps, I pulled over, the bloke that runs the thing comes over and said - Oi no professionals. I took my helmet off, I said I'm not a professional. He said - you're not a profesional? I said - No, he said - well you should be, if I was you I'd take up Formula One, and if you drive like that you'd probably be the best in the country! I said - I'm not interested I'm making shit loads out of computers.

• Simon : All right, well, I was bombing it round one time and someone left this ramp out. They all said, "If he hits that, he *is* dead". So I hit it and rolled over in the air a few times and they said, "Now he is *definitely* dead". Then I landed on my wheels and pulled over next to them and said, "What you worried about?"

• Simon : You know Bruce Lee's not really dead, don't you? Yeah, it's in a book. What he did was he faked his own death so that he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police, infiltrating drugs gangs and the Triads.

  Gareth : Yeah, I reckon that's true.

  Tim : Yeah, I reckon that's true. Because if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the Triads, you'd probably want the world's most famous Chinese film star.

  [Tim and Rachel snicker] 

  Simon : Oh, gone off Dawn now, have you?