- David Brent: You're all looking at me, you're going, "Well yeah, you're a success, you've achieved you're goals, you're reaping the rewards, sure. But, OI, Brent. Is all you care about chasing the Yankee dollar?" Let me show you something I always keep with me. Just a little book, Collective Meditations, and it's a collection of philosophers, writers, thinkers, native American wisdom, which I, and it's really showing you that, er, the spiritual side needs as much care and attention as the physical side. It's about feeding the soul, yeah? Evolving spirituality. And a foreword by Duncan Goodhew, so... Can I read one-which I think- "If all men were to bring their miseries together in one place, most would be glad to take each, his own, home again, rather than take a portion out of the common stock." It's saying, for the first time, you know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, don't look over your neighbour's fence and go "ooh he's got a better car than me, ooh, he's got a more attractive wife." We all wake up and we go "oh, I ache, I'm not 18 any more, you know, I'm thirty ni- you know, I'm in my thirties, I'm not-", but so what, at least I've got my health. And if you haven't got your health-if you've got one leg, at least I haven't got two legs missing. And if you have lost both legs and both arms, just go "at least I'm not dead. I'd rather be dead in that situation, to be honest. I'm not saying people like that should be... you know, put down. I'm saying that, in my life, I'd rather not live without arms and legs because... I'm just getting into yoga, for one thing. So...
- Simon: Yeah well I went down there the first day it opened right, and I did a couple of laps, I pulled over, the bloke that runs the thing comes over and said - Oi no professionals. I took my helmet off, I said I'm not a professional. He said - you're not a profesional? I said - No, he said - well you should be, if I was you I'd take up Formula One, and if you drive like that you'd probably be the best in the country! I said - I'm not interested I'm making shit loads out of computers.
- Dawn Tinsley: My old school just recently had a school reunion, ehm, which I didn't go to. But, ehm, one girl in my class it turns out, right, that she's now running her own an internet auction website, making a fortune and is happily married to a marine biologist.
- [pause]
- Dawn Tinsley: She used to eat chalk.
- Simon: All right, well, I was bombing it round one time and someone left this ramp out. They all said, "If he hits that, he *is* dead". So I hit it and rolled over in the air a few times and they said, "Now he is *definitely* dead". Then I landed on my wheels and pulled over next to them and said, "What you worried about?"
- [Gareth has just caught Tim and Rachel kissing]
- Gareth: How long has this been going on? When were you going to tell me? I can't believe you'd get off with a girl that I fancy.
- Tim: Why can't you believe that, Gareth?
- Gareth: Well, I can't believe there's a bird that fancies you over me for a start. What are you... he's a weird little bloke. Look at his cartoon face and his hair. He looks like a Fisher Price man. And his rubbish clothes... it makes me think there's something wrong with you, and yet in my head I'd still do you, so I'm confused... all right, I'll ask you straight: is there anything that could happen between us while this is going on?
- Rachel: Like what?
- Gareth: What, specifically? Hand job? Look, don't answer now. Think about it.
- Simon: You know Bruce Lee's not really dead, don't you? Yeah, it's in a book. What he did was he faked his own death so that he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police, infiltrating drugs gangs and the Triads.
- Gareth: Yeah, I reckon that's true.
- Tim: Yeah, I reckon that's true. Because if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the Triads, you'd probably want the world's most famous Chinese film star.
- [Tim and Rachel snicker]
- Simon: Oh, gone off Dawn now, have you?
- Gareth: He's a weird little bloke! Look at his cartoon face and his hair, he looks like a Fisher Price man, and his rubbish clothes... it makes me think there's something wrong with you for a start but yet in my head I'd still do you so I'm confused.