- [Arguing over the quiz result and request for a rematch]
- Chris Finch: Right, I will throw anything you choose over this building. If I do it, we win the quiz. Right?
- David Brent: Yeah, so you choose anything. If he can throw it over, we've won the champagne. And that's it. And that's the real quiz. Choose one thing.
- Ricky: You really are a couple of sad little men, aren't you?
- Gareth: Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you ever done?
- Tim: I live with my parents
- David Brent: Cherish them. Both of mine are dead. Well, my dad's not dead, but in a home, so good as.
- [Dawn and Tim are getting a laugh out of pretending Gareth is gay]
- Tim: We were wondering if a military man like you, a soldier, er, could you give a man a lethal blow?
- Gareth: If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, if he was attacking me.
- Tim: What if he was coming, really hard?
- Gareth: Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah.
- Dawn: And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke, or could you take a man from behind?
- Gareth: Either ways easy.
- Dawn: So you could take a man from behind?
- Gareth: Yeah.
- Dawn: Lovely.
- Tim: [Reading from the birthday card Dawn gave him] What's the difference between your penis and your wages? You can find lots of women who will blow your wages.
- David Brent: People go, "Why is it important, a question about Mr. Spock?" Oh, I go, "It's like saying I've got a new pedigree dog breed. It's half Alsatian, half Labrador". I go on to Crufts, I go, "Can I enter this dog in the Labrador section?" "No." "Why?" "Because it's not a Labrador." "Correct." "Can I enter it in the Alsatian section?" "No. For the same reasons. Now get that dog out of my sight." "Thanks, I will. You've proved my point." And that's Crufts. All right.
- David Brent: If someone's, ehm, unlucky you go: I'm not saying he's unlucky, but if he fell into a barrel of tits, he'd come up sucking his own thumb.
- [giggles]
- David Brent: Bit naughty, huh?
- Gareth: Suck tits? I thought you sucked knobbs.
- David Brent: Do ya?
- [more high-pitched giggles]
- [David, Gareth and Tim are discussing catchphrases]
- Gareth: What ones are yours that I use?
- David Brent: Same shit, different day, that's mine. Exsqueeze me, instead of excuse me.
- Tim: Wank you very much.
- David Brent: Yeah, I invented that.