- David Brent: I'd like to make a complaint please
- Rowan: Don't care
- David Brent: Well I am staying at the hotel...
- Rowan: Don't care, it's not my shift
- David Brent: Well you're an ambassador for the hotel...
- Rowan: I don't care
- David Brent: I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is...
- Rowan: I don't ca...
- David Brent: I think there's been a rape up there.
- David Brent: ...I got his attention. Get their attention.
- Rowan: Gareth, quick trust exercise, ultimate fantasy?
- Gareth: Hmm?
- David Brent: We're just doing the ultimate fantasy, we're all doing it.
- Gareth: Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching.
- Rowan: OK. Erm. Tim? Do you have one?
- Tim: I'd never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?
- [David is singing a song he wrote]
- David Brent: [singing] Little while later I see a cowboy crying, I said, "Hey buddy, what can I do?" He says, "I lived a good life, had about a thousand women." I said "Why the tears?", he says "'cause none of them was you."
- Tim: What, you?
- David Brent: No, he's looking at a photograph.
- Tim: Of you?
- David Brent: No, of his girlfriend. The video would have shown it.
- Tim: Sorry. It just sounds a bit gay.
- David Brent: It's not gay!
- Rowan: Hello, I'd wish to make a complaint.
- David Brent: Not interested.
- Rowan: My room is an absolute disgrace, the bathroom doesn't appear to have been cleaned.
- David Brent: What room are you in?
- Rowan: 362
- David Brent: There is no 362 in this hotel... sometimes the complaints will be false.
- David Brent: We're both good in our own fields. I'm sure Texas couldn't run and manage a successful paper merchants. I couldn't do what-, well, I could do what they do, and I think they knew that, even back then. Probably what spurred them on.
- Rowan: I'm gonna play a very bad hotel manager who just doesn't care, and...
- David Brent: Sorry, if it's a Basil Fawlty type character, well, er, maybe I should do it, just for the comedy.
- Rowan: Let me play it, just to kick things off.
- David Brent: Yeah, well I'll probably bring something to this role anyway.
- Dawn: He proposed on a Valentine's day, although he didn't do it face to face, he did it in one of the little Valentine bits in the paper. I think he had to pay for it by the word, because it just said 'Lee love Dawn, marriage?' which you know, I like, because it's not often you get to something that's both romantic and thrifty.
- Gareth: So, can you set fire to a postage stamp?
- David Brent: No. In fact, a postage stamp is legal tender. A busdriver would have to accept that as currency.
- Gareth: Yeah, that would happen.
- David Brent: Well if he doesn't, report him.
- Gareth: Yeah, I'll report him when I'm walking home.
- Gareth: You can taxi, if you've got enough stamps.
- [Brent believes anything with the Queen's image should be currency]
- David Brent: In fact, a postage stamp is legal tender. A bus driver would have to accept that as currency.
- Tim: Yeah, that'd happen.
- Gareth: Well, if he doesn't, report him.
- Tim: Yeah, I'll report him while I'm walking home.
- Gareth: Get a taxi, if you've got enough stamps.
- Dawn: Or cash 'em in at the Post Office.
- David Brent: Shouldn't have to. Shouldn't have to.