- Michael Scott: [camera cuts to private interview with Michael as he tries to avoid having to fire someone] Yeah, I went hunting, once. I shot a deer in the leg... had to finish it off with a shovel. It took about an hour...
- [pauses, looks at camera]
- Michael Scott: ... why do you ask?
- [Michael is asking Dwight who should be fired on Halloween. Michael is wearing a papier-mâché replica of his head on his shoulder and Dwight is dressed as a Sith Lord]
- Michael Scott: [to his papier-mâché replica head] What? There was someone left off that list? Who?
- Dwight Schrute: Who is he saying?
- Michael Scott: [gasp] You're right. I didn't even think of him.
- Dwight Schrute: No, Michael.
- Michael Scott: Yeah, that's actually a really good idea.
- Dwight Schrute: No. No. Not me.
- Michael Scott: Yeah, I could.
- Dwight Schrute: Not Dwight.
- Michael Scott: I'm not saying that's what he said.
- Dwight Schrute: I know that's what he said.
- Michael Scott: [to his papier-mâché replica head] What?
- Dwight Schrute: Tell him not Dwight.
- Michael Scott: [to his papier-mâché replica head] That is not a very nice thing to say about him.
- Dwight Schrute: Tell him to stop.
- Michael Scott: [to his papier-mâché replica head] Are you kidding?
- Dwight Schrute: [to Michael's papier-mâché replica head] Quiet, you!
- Michael Scott: [to his papier-mâché replica head] I agree. He'd land on his feet.
- Dwight Schrute: Make him be quiet.
- Angela: Those aren't chips and dip.
- Pam Beesley: No, I made brownies.
- [sighs]
- Pam Beesley: What?
- Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
- Pam Beesley: [bewildered] I made brownies.
- Angela: And I made cookies. Same category.
- Michael Scott: It's not a popularity contest. Although it does makes sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale.
- Dwight Schrute: So you got the fax. So why didn't you add it to the résumé? What do you mean? Of course, martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence! Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too, and I will see you there burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you'll let me know when you've made a decision?
- Michael Scott: I want you to role play firing me. I want you to fire me, and I will take it.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, you want me to be you?
- Michael Scott: Yes. I want you to be me, and I will be Creed.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, are you firing Creed?
- Michael Scott: No, no. No, that's just first... thing. Can't... in head.
- Jim Halpert: We should switch seats in order to...
- Michael Scott: Yes, that's a good idea.
- Jim Halpert: Alright.
- [Michael and Jim switch seats]
- Jim Halpert: I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal...
- Michael Scott: Aaaaaaaaa I'm gonna kill myself!
- Jim Halpert: Wow.
- Michael Scott: I'm going to kill myself! And it's your fault!
- Jim Halpert: That's an overreaction.
- Dwight Schrute: Stanley, could you come with me, please?
- Stanley Hudson: No.
- Dwight Schrute: As Assistant Regional Manager...
- Stanley Hudson: "To the".
- Dwight Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.
- Jim Halpert: Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India.