- [last lines]
- Margaret Meldrew: You've got a whole new life ahead of you, Victor. I mean, huh, you've hardly started. You've got it all still to come.
- Victor Meldrew: Yes, that's what scares me.
- [first lines]
- Mrs Inglis: Twenty-six years sitting behind a reception desk, what must that do to a man's brain?
- Mrs Jellis: I shouldn't think it does a lot of good, myself.
- Mrs Inglis: Mmm. I suppose it's a bit like one of those polar bears that just suddenly snap and ends up lumbering round its cage bellowing at everyone in a rather irrational manner.
- Mrs Jellis: Huh. Either way it'll be a merciful release. God, early retirement at sixty; you'd jump at the chance.
- Mrs Inglis: Anyone would.
- Mrs Jellis: How did he take it when you told him?
- Mrs Inglis: Oh, great, great. No problem. Well...
- Mrs Jellis: You have told him?
- Mrs Warboys: His hair always looks nice. I wonder what he washes it with.
- Victor Meldrew: His vest and his socks; what do you think he washes it with?
- Mrs Warboys: What are you saying? It's not real?
- Margaret Meldrew: Of course it's real; look at the parting.
- Victor Meldrew: That's not a parting. That's a crease where it's folded up in the box; are you blind?
- Victor Meldrew: [Victor comes in the house after picking up his car from the garage]
- Margaret Meldrew: Any luck?
- Victor Meldrew: Yes, at long last. They had to put in a new clutch, a complete new gearbox and four new tyres. I don't know why they didn't stick a new car on to the wing mirror and be done with it