- Victor Meldrew: I noticed those women are still hanging about in there. Might as well hang a red light over the front door and be done with it.
- Margaret Meldrew: What? Prostitutes?
- Victor Meldrew: Prostitutes? I didn't know whose price list to ask for first. Skirts up to their nostrils; you know damn well they're not waiting for crispy duck.
- [last lines]
- Victor Meldrew: Something the matter?
- Patrick: [looks at hose] There was one slight, small question that was bothering me, yes, but I don't suppose it really matters much, one way or the other.
- Victor Meldrew: What question's that?
- Patrick: I was just wondering how you're going to get the end of this hosepipe out of your bottom.