- Del Boy: You dirty, stinking...
- Inspector Roy Slater: Careful, Del. I don't want have to add offensive language to your ever-growing list of offences.
- Inspector Roy Slater: Remember Del? All us lads down the river playing pirates! Boycie was the first mate, Trigger was Long John Silver... What Part did I play Del?
- Del Boy: You played the bloke what walked the plank!
- Inspector Roy Slater: Ye that's right... I was always the bloke that walked the plank! I was in and out of that water more times than a ducks head! I always wanted to be BlueBeard!
- Del Boy: Well you should have asked!
- Inspector Roy Slater: I did lots of times but you'd never let me!
- Del Boy: I did once
- Inspector Roy Slater: Oh ye I remember that was the day that BlueBeard had to walk the plank wasn't it!
- Del Boy: I mean, I don't ask much of you, do I? But even when I ask you to do the simplest things, you let me down!
- Grandad: Oh, shut up!
- Del Boy: I mean, she won't wanna know me now, will she? Not after last night.
- Grandad: I ain't bothered.
- Del Boy: I invited her here all the way from Canning Town for a nice, quiet, intimate candle-lit dinner, and all I asked you to do was put the box of wine in the fridge, and the tub of neopolitan ice-cream in the freezer. But no, you get that all arse about face, don't you? So, come nine o'clock, all I could offer her was a bowl of gunge and a beaujolais ice lolly!
- Inspector Roy Slater: [On the phone] Well I'll get back you as soon as I've got some information sir... . Ok sir... Thank you very much sir... Thank you once again sir... Ok sir... Bye for now sir. Bye.
- [Hangs up]
- Inspector Roy Slater: Do you know who that was?
- Del Boy: The wife?
- Grandad: Why's he keeping Del-Boy in there?
- Rodney Trotter: That is about the 38th time you've asked me that in the last half hour. And for the 38th time Grandad, I'm telling you I don't know.
- Grandad: Well I thought he'd just charge Del with recieving, he'd get a 50 pound fine and then it'll all be forgot about.
- Rodney Trotter: Yeah that's I thought.
- Grandad: So did I. So why's he keeping him in there?
- Rodney Trotter: Oh bless my heart. I don't bloody know Grandad.
- Grandad: Oh Rodney.