- Reuben Kincaid: You members of some flaky religious group?
- Danny: No, sir, I'm here to represent the Partridges.
- Reuben Kincaid: The *birds*?
- Danny: The family!
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [Catches Tracy, with a drumstick in her nostril] Tracy! Don't put that drumstick up your nose.
- Tracy Partridge: Why not?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: You don't know where it's been.
- Danny: I'm worried about you Mom. You're too old to be working.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [smiles] Thank you Danny. You just made my day.
- Laurie Partridge: [rehearsing in the garage during the pilot episode, Laurie is looking skeptically at her sheet music] Y'know, I've been thinking about these lyrics.
- Keith: Yeah, what about them?
- Laurie Partridge: Well, do you think they're really "relevant"?
- Keith: Relevant? One lousy sit-in and suddenly she's Joan Baez.
- Tracy Partridge: [Referring to the blind fold on Ruben's face] Why are you wearing the Lone Ranger's mask?
- Danny: Tracy, will you let ME do the talking.
- Tracy Partridge: [after Ruben hung up, on Danny while playing the demo from the tape recorder] What did he say?
- Danny: He said, if we don't stop bothering him he could send, a man over with an axe to chop us up into little pieces.
- Tracy Partridge: Ooh! Do you think he means it?
- Danny: No, I'm pretty sure he's bluffing.
- Tracy Partridge: I hope so.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [the Family is backstage, about to make their debut in Las Vegas. Shirley is having stage fright]
- [Through clenched teeth]
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: I'm having trouble moving my mouth.
- Danny: Don't worry about it, it's perfectly normal.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: How can I sing if I can't move my mouth?
- Keith: Just fake it, ok?
- [Shirley suddenly bends over and clutches her knees]
- Keith: Why are you feeling your knees?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: I think they're locked.
- Danny: Good. That'll stop you from falling if you pass out.
- Laurie Partridge: Don't worry Mom, we'll all be here to help you.
- Christopher "Chris" Partridge #1: Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing!
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Aren't you kids nervous at all?
- Laurie Partridge: No.
- Danny: Why should we be nervous? We're terrific!
- Club Manager: All right, places everyone. We're ready to go!
- Keith: [as they quickly take their places] You're gonna be wonderful, honest, Mom.
- Laurie Partridge: This is the big time. You'll be great, you'll be fantastic, nothing to worry about.
- Danny: Relax, Mom, but just remember our whole future depends on these next few minutes.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [groans] Ohhhhhhhhh...
- Reuben Kincaid: [Asking about Danny] How old is he?
- Tracy Partridge: [Answers with, chocolate ice cream smeered around her mouth] Ten. Why?
- Reuben Kincaid: I keep getting this funny feeling that I'm dealing with a 40-year-old midget.
- [Tracy, smiled and puts a spoonful of ice cream, into Reuben's mouth]
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [the Family is backstage, about to make their debut in Las Vegas. Shirley is having stage fright. Through clenched teeth:] I'm having trouble moving my mouth.
- Danny: Don't worry about it, it's perfectly normal.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: How can I sing if I can't move my mouth?
- Keith: Just fake it, ok?
- Keith: [Shirley suddenly bends over and clutches her knees] Why are you feeling your knees?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: I think they're locked.
- Danny: Good. That'll stop you from falling if you pass out.
- Laurie Partridge: Don't worry Mom, we'll all be here to help you.
- Christopher "Chris" Partridge #1: Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing!
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Aren't you kids nervous at all?
- Laurie Partridge: No.
- Danny: Why should we be nervous? We're terrific!
- Club Manager: All right, places everyone. We're ready to go!
- Keith: [as they quickly take their places] You're gonna be wonderful, honest, Mom.
- Laurie Partridge: This is the big time. You'll be great, you'll be fantastic, nothing to worry about.
- Danny: Relax, Mom, but just remember our whole future depends on these next few minutes.
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: [groans] Ohhhhhhhhh...