- Rimmer: Kryten, kindly get to the point before I jam your nose between your cheeks and make it the filling of a buttock sandwich.
- Lister: There's gotta be a way out. There hasn't been a prison built that could hold Derek Custer. Why don't we scrape away this mortar here, slide one of these bricks out, then using rope weaved from strands of this hessian, we can create a pulley system, so that when a guard comes in over the tripwire, he gets laid out and we put Rimmer in the guard's uniform, he leads us out, we steal some swords and fight our way back to the Bug.
- Kryten: Or we could use the teleporter.
- The Cat: [to a Rogue Simulant] There's one thing you should know. Last time we met I was wearing a cute little black number with peach trim and gold spangles, and although it looks like I'm wearing the same outfit today, it is in fact an entirely different cute little black number, with completely different gold spangles!
- Kryten: That was an important speech, sir, and it needed to be made. Might I suggest, however, that the rest of this discourse is continued by those with brains larger than a grape?
- Rimmer: So let me get this straight. If we board that ship and we get captured, we're finished. However, if we board that ship, don't get captured but the superstructure disintegrates around us, we are finished. On the other hand, if we board that ship, don't get captured, and the superstructure doesn't disintegrate around us, but we can't find any fuel, we are in fact finished.
- Kryten: Rogue Simulants always carry large stocks of food supply in order to prolong the torment of their torture victims. In some cases, they've kept subjects alive for 40 years in a state of perpetual agony.
- Rimmer: If we wanted to live in a state of perpetual agony, we'd let Lister play his guitar.
- Lister: Actually, as far as ruthless killer Simulants go. You're bit of a babe. What are you doing tonight?
- Rogue Simulant: Dying.
- Rimmer: Dear lord, what has created such foulness? Is it the product of a marriage twixt woman and gerbil?
- [Rimmer's in deep trouble]
- The Cat: You know, there's an old cat saying. But you don't wanna hear it right now.
- Kryten: [Kryten talks to Rimmer about how long it's going to take the Starbug crew to rescue him from the planet on the other side of the wormhole] Remember that medieval war, sir, that lasted a long time?
- Rimmer: The 30 years war?
- Kryten: No, that war, sir. The other war.
- Rimmer: The 100 years war?
- Kryten: Now take that figure and multiply it by 6 and then you'll come up with your golden number, sir.
- Rimmer: 600 years!
- The Cat: Pinch me!
- Lister: Why don't we scrape away this mortar here, slide one of these bricks out, then using rope weaved from strands of this hessian, rig up a kind of pulley system, so that when a guard comes in he sets off a trip wire, gets laid out, and we put Rimmer in the guard's uniform, he leads us out, we steal some swords, and fight our way back to the bug!
- Kryten: Or, we could use the teleporter.
- Rogue Simulant: Well - if it isn't my old friends the human vermin. The scabrous slime. The pus-sucking, puke-laden, walking cesspits of unspeakableness.
- Cat: ...She remembers us!
- Clone Rimmer: [to Lister] Silence mutant! How dare you stand there and address a norm using that face? It's a revolting insult against nature.
- Kryten: Your T-count, which is the hologrammatic equivalent of blood pressure, is higher than a hippie on the third day of an open-air festival.
- Rimmer: A desert planet - the only lifeforms: The most basic single-cell protozoa and me. Relationships will be difficult, but not impossible.