Roseanne (TV Series)

Dear Mom and Dad (1989)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Darlene Conner : You guys think we don't get your corny, little sex jokes.

  Roseanne Conner : Hey, you kids *are* our corny, little sex joke.

• Dan Conner : [making out a shopping list, since Roseanne's parents showed up unannounced]  Let me see if I got this straight. We need milk?

  Roseanne Conner : Milk.

  Dan Conner : Eggs?

  Roseanne Conner : Eggs.

  Dan Conner : Bullets?

• Bev Harris : [expressing why she worries about Jackie]  Well somebody has to. She's 32, she's unmarried. Heaven forbid that she turns out to be like your Aunt Dale... who teaches P.E.

  Roseanne Conner : Speaking of Aunt Dale, how is Uncle Shirley?

• Roseanne Conner : If my parents move to Lanford, I am gonna be sleeping on a cot for the rest of my life, because I'm gonna be in prison for blowing 'em away!

  Dan Conner : Hunny, hunny, be realistic. You don't know how to use a gun. I'll do it.

• Roseanne Conner : [stuck sleeping on cots, they talk about the possibility that Roseanne's parents might move to Lanford]  Seriously, Dan, what are we going to do?

  Dan Conner : Well, I'd say let's sleep on it... but who could sleep! You know, if you knew how to stand up to your parents, we wouldn't be lying here right now.

  Roseanne Conner : What is that supposed to mean? And I'm warning you, that fireplace poker's within reach!