- Big Al: Next week, yours truly is off to merry England for the international cricket match. But frankly, I'm not looking forward to it. Who cares about a bunch of bugs, making noise with furry little legs? Ugh! Uh! What if I stepped on one? Squished!
- Dan Rowan: Paris, 1989. Premier Charles de Gaulle said he refuses to let France's problems scare him into an early retirement, adding that the first hundred years are always the toughest.
- Dan Rowan: Hey, Goldie, eh, did you hear about the Supreme Court? Eh, they banned pornography.
- Goldie Hawn: Oh, I didn't even know the Supreme Court had a band.
- Garry Moore: I remember that wonderful year, 1861. That was the year Abraham Lincoln thought he freed the slaves.
- Dick Martin: You know, Eskimos have twenty-seven words for snow?
- Dan Rowan: Well, what else do they have to talk about?
- Alan Sues: I'm not a prejudiced person, but I say a Negro is still a Negro and a Jew is still a Jew, but for different reasons. Think about it.