Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)
Sabrina Claus (1997)
Melissa Joan Hart: Sabrina Spellman
Photos
Quotes
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Sabrina Spellman : I'm revising my Christmas wish list. This year I'm hoping for a computer, a mountain bike... Oh, and this great ski jacket I saw at the mall.
Salem Saberhagen : You're not exactly the Little Match Girl, are you?
Zelda Spellman : Those sound pretty expensive, Sabrina.
Sabrina Spellman : I know. That's why I prepared a list of backup gift ideas in a variety of price ranges. Gotta go. Oh, and you'll note on the bottom, I've listed the times I won't be around, so you can wrap my presents.
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Sabrina Spellman : So I can't decide whether I shoot for A, the computer and the mountain bike, B, the computer and the ski jacket, or C, all of the above.
Harvey Kinkle : I'd hate to be there if you got a savings bond.
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Libby Chessler : I hate Christmas.
Harvey Kinkle : What's your take on Kwanza?
Sabrina Spellman : Usually like all the presents, but this year I have to be around my bratty stepbrother, Russell.
Harvey Kinkle : Really? Your family has a brat in it?
Libby Chessler : He colours with my lipsticks, drips chocolate on my stuff, and he can cry on cue.
[to Sabrina]
Libby Chessler : What's your problem, freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year?
Sabrina Spellman : And a crossbow!
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Mr. Glass : We're talking about a very bloody war. Why are you smiling?
Sabrina Spellman : Because I've been desensitized by popular culture?
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Zelda Spellman : And, boy, it is really getting cold outside.
Salem Saberhagen : Here's a tip, try wearing clothes.
Zelda Spellman : Hey! What happened to my blouse? It was my favourite...
Sabrina Spellman : Green silk one?
Zelda Spellman : Sabrina, how many times do I have to tell you to ask before you borrow my clothes? Especially when I'm already wearing them.
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Sabrina Spellman : Something's wrong with me, Aunt Zelda. I conjured asparagus, I got Aunt Hilda's. I tried to conjure a blouse, I got yours.
Salem Saberhagen : Whatever you do, don't conjure anything fur.
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Zelda Spellman : Now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Dr. Bull is one of the most highly regarded witch psychiatrists around.
Hilda Spellman : She's got two doctorates from Other Realm universities and one from Utah State.
Sabrina Spellman : And tell me again why I had to sign that lobotomy release form?
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Dr. Bull : What say we have a chat with your inner child?
Sabrina Spellman : Hey, I recognise you. You're always encouraging me to run with scissors.
Dr. Bull : Tell me, inner child, what do you like most about Christmas?
Inner Child : All the presents.
Dr. Bull : Do you enjoy being with other people at Christmas?
Inner Child : If they bring me presents.
Dr. Bull : Thank you. That will be all.
Inner Child : Where's my presents?
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Zelda Spellman : Sabrina, when you have egotitis, you can't get any presents.
Hilda Spellman : Receiving gifts only makes it worse.
Sabrina Spellman : This better be gone by my birthday.
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Hilda Spellman : Do you realise what you've done?
Sabrina Spellman : What, Bob's gonna sue?
Zelda Spellman : No. He's Santa Claus.
Sabrina Spellman : What?
Hilda Spellman : That's right. You've just maimed Father Christmas.
Sabrina Spellman : So I guess I'm not the only one not getting presents this year.
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Sabrina Spellman : So if you're Santa, how come you're not chubby?
Bob : Oh, combination of cardiovascular exercise and a little weight-training. Could be that tapeworm.
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Bob : Anyway, I've got a lot of deliveries to make. Ha-ha. Ho, ho, ho-- Ohh! Oh!
Zelda Spellman : You are not going anywhere.
Sabrina Spellman : Isn't there someone that could fill in? Like a temp service or a cousin?
Bob : Well, there's always Mrs. Claus, but I can't call her. She works for UPS. This time of year, they're real crazy.
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Sabrina Spellman : Couldn't we just order everyone something from a catalogue?
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Dr. Bull : Conjures things from others, narcissism. Based on these symptoms, one would conclude that you're suffering from egotitis.
Sabrina Spellman : Me? I'm not the one with the wall full of diplomas.
Dr. Bull : Attacks when provoked. It's a textbook case. You're behaving like a little girl.
Sabrina Spellman : Am not!
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Dr. Bull : The cure for this malady must come from within. You've got to rediscover the magic of Christmas. And when you do, your egotitis will go away.
Sabrina Spellman : That's it?
Dr. Bull : Except for this. Hundred and twenty dollars, please.
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Zelda Spellman : Well, there is someone who could help.
Sabrina Spellman : And we didn't call him before because...?
Hilda Spellman : He's a very big hoo-hah in the Other Realm.
Sabrina Spellman : Who is he?
Zelda Spellman : Bob.
Sabrina Spellman : So his parents didn't know he'd be important when they named him.
Zelda Spellman : Let's summon him with the Bob song.
[singing]
Zelda Spellman : Hm.
Zelda Spellman , Hilda Spellman : [singing] Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
Sabrina Spellman : How do you remember the lyrics?
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Bob : Trying to recapture the spirit of Christmas, huh?
Zelda Spellman : Mm. Can you help?
Bob : I'll give it a shot. I know. Say, why don't you and I take a little trip to Christmas past? No, it's been done.
Hilda Spellman : Trust me, the trip to the graveyard is quite depressing.
Bob : Why don't you and I try to go and recapture your childhood Christmas memories? And maybe have a look at the new Chryslers.
Sabrina Spellman : You have met this guy before, right?