Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)
The Band Episode (1998)
Melissa Joan Hart: Sabrina Spellman
Photos
Quotes
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Sabrina Spellman : Yeah, her musical talent is a wonderful gift. And she needs to bore other people with it.
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Harvey Kinkle : The school's having a battle of the bands. And I signed us up.
Sabrina Spellman : I didn't know we were a band.
Harvey Kinkle : Every group had to start somewhere. Usually in a garage. We can leapfrog that and start in the gym. What do you say?
Valerie Birkhead : We could have cool outfits.
Sabrina Spellman : We could work on dance moves.
Valerie Birkhead : Put together a light show. I always wanted to be in a band.
Sabrina Spellman : Me too. We're in.
Harvey Kinkle : Great.
Sabrina Spellman : So does anyone here actually know how to play an instrument?
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Libby Chessler : Well, if it isn't the Electric Freak Orchestra. And by the way, the cheerleaders have a band, and we're gonna win.
Valerie Birkhead : She doesn't know that.
Libby Chessler : Yes, I do. Cheerleaders always win. And geeks always lose. I believe they call that the natural order.
Sabrina Spellman : I do not want to lose to Libby. We have to get good, and we have to get good soon.
Valerie Birkhead : We're not good?
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Libby Chessler : I hope someone brought some baking soda, because something stinks in here. Oh. Look. It's Sabrina's band.
Sabrina Spellman : I'd think of a snappy comeback, but it's true.
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Zelda Spellman : Libby insults you because she's jealous.
Sabrina Spellman : I don't think so. Is there a spell that can make dogs howl every time she opens her mouth?
Zelda Spellman : You have to be careful how you treat people. Even rotten people. You might regret it one day.
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Sabrina Spellman : I had no idea you could bottle talent.
Salem Saberhagen : Where do you think that expression comes from? A six-pack of refreshing talent, now with the handy twist-top.
Sabrina Spellman : Cool. But I won't use it unless it's absolutely necessary.
Salem Saberhagen : Hey, I don't care how you justify it.
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Sabrina Spellman : So how'd the gig go?
Hilda Spellman : Lousy. I tried to merge the worlds of art and prime rib, but I failed.
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Principal Willard Kraft : Now, I understand that everyone has been informed that I am judging the band contest tonight.
Libby Chessler : Yes.
Sabrina Spellman : Okay, so no talent isn't the only thing against us
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Principal Willard Kraft : Okay, it's only fair that I let the final band compete, Although the expression "just a formality" certainly comes to mind. Please welcome Entry Number 5.
Valerie Birkhead : We forgot to come up with a name.
Sabrina Spellman : Just play.
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Salem Saberhagen : They take a sip of flat talent, they go flat too.
Sabrina Spellman : Great. So I'll just let these go flat, and when I see Harvey and Valerie tonight, they'll drink, and we'll go back to being talentless friends.
Salem Saberhagen : Did you pop one for yourself?
Sabrina Spellman : Me? I haven't been affected by having things go my way.
Salem Saberhagen : Oh, please. Little Miss "I'm Too Cool To Do My History Homework."
Sabrina Spellman : I had an autograph signing. Okay.
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Harvey Kinkle : We'll grab some eats, and I'll tell the others about you joining the band.
Valerie Birkhead , Sabrina Spellman : What?
Harvey Kinkle : Hi. Sabrina, Valerie, I'd like you to meet Sunset.
Valerie Birkhead : You can't just bring someone into the band.
Sabrina Spellman : Especially someone named Sunset.
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Libby Chessler : I was just in the girls' bathroom. What am I doing here?
Sabrina Spellman : Isn't it weird, you're doing something, you're mind is somewhere else, and bam, you're in a gym and you're asking, "How did I get here?"
Libby Chessler : How did I get here?
Sabrina Spellman : My point exactly.
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Libby Chessler : And you want me to sing for you?
Sabrina Spellman : In exchange for eternal gratitude, endless flattery, and a piece of the merchandising.
Libby Chessler : I'll do it.
Sabrina Spellman : You will?
Libby Chessler : But let's get one thing straight. It's only because I love to sing.
Sabrina Spellman : And we love to hear you sing, because you sing so very, very well. And you're pretty too.
Libby Chessler : Let's change "endless flattery" to cash.
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Sabrina Spellman : So are we still speaking to each other?
Harvey Kinkle : Yes. If we never talk about how bad we played today.
Valerie Birkhead : I can't figure out what went wrong. Was there something in that hummus?
Sabrina Spellman : Let's remember not to let anything like this get in the way of friendship.
Valerie Birkhead : You mean success? I don't think that will be a problem.
Harvey Kinkle : I blame Sunset.
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Sabrina Spellman : Salem, There are five bottles here.
Salem Saberhagen : That's very good, Sabrina. Now, what colour is the tablecloth?
Sabrina Spellman : No. I brewed six. Where's the last bottle of talent?
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Valerie Birkhead : You still stuck on that whole us winning thing?
Sabrina Spellman : Come on. It's not so bad. I mean, the only difference between us and them is they're talented.
Harvey Kinkle : Makes you wonder if Hitler was actually a good painter.
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Valerie Birkhead : Sabrina, I wrote a song for our TV debut, but the drummer has a problem with it.
Harvey Kinkle : Take a look at it.
Sabrina Spellman : Valerie, you wrote a song called My Valerie?
Valerie Birkhead : Wait till you see what he wants to do.
Harvey Kinkle : I drew up some ideas for a complete new look for the band. That's you and Val.
Sabrina Spellman : Why are we dressed like worms? They're brown unitards. It's a comment on an asexual society. And I'm the universal love being, signified by the goat ears and the sleeveless spandex vestments.
Sabrina Spellman : Love being?
Valerie Birkhead : Yeah, but we can't sing about me.
Harvey Kinkle : I'm trying to change America.
Valerie Birkhead : Oh, yeah?
Sabrina Spellman : Hold it. Why are we fighting? We're friends.
Valerie Birkhead : Because he has a stupid idea.
Sabrina Spellman : Oh, yeah. I am not gonna perform dressed like a bug.
Harvey Kinkle : This is my band.
Valerie Birkhead , Sabrina Spellman : Your band?