Salute Your Shorts (TV Series)

Ellen Comes to Camp (1992)

Danny Cooksey: Bobby Budnick

Quotes 

• Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen : The Bobby Budnick Method to Success tape, take one.

  [claps the clapper] 

  Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen : Ow.

  Bobby Budnick : Today I'm gonna tell ya how to make a million dollars by the time you're sixteen. Your first car can be a Rolls Royce. You can BUY yourself a high school diploma. And how? Today I'm going to teach you The Bobby Budnick Method to $uccess, a proven get-rich plan that allows you to earn a fortune by selling candy, bootleg concert tapes and t-shirts. But let's not take MY word for it. Let's talk to some of our satisfied customers. Have you used The Bobby Budnick Method to $uccess?

  Ronnie Pinsky : Yes, I have, Bobby. At no money down, I was able to buy a single box of grape licorice at a bank foreclosure and sell it to friends. I made over 1000% profit overnight.

  Bobby Budnick : Ha. Did you say profit with no money down?

  [Kids in background applaud] 

• Bobby Budnick : So what else are you doing besides making everyone's life miserable?

  Ellen : My folks dumped me here and I'm trying to get kicked out.

  Bobby Budnick : Well that's cool, but you just need to chill out. I mean, there's a fine line between being cool and being a fool.

  Ellen : Oh yeah?

  Bobby Budnick : Yeah, being cool is bending the rules, being a fool is breaking em apart. Besides being cool gets you further with the friends.

  Ellen : You know something? You're right, what you said kinda makes sense.

  Bobby Budnick : It does? What did I say?

  Ellen : That thing you said about chilling out. I need to do that if I'm ever gonna be really happy. I need to change the way I look at the world and stuff. You've really opened my eyes.

  Bobby Budnick : You really mean that?

  Ellen : From the bottom of my heart. Now can I have my sodas back?

  [Budnick gives her the sodas] 

  Ellen : Thanks.

• Bobby Budnick : [Donkeylips kicks Budnick in the back lightly]  Why did you do that?

  Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen : Because the sign on your back said so.

  Bobby Budnick : Ellen.

  Ellen : [Ellen pops up from outside the window]  You called? Hi guys, great soda. Why don't you have some?

  [she opens up the soda and sprays it everywhere] 

• Dina Alexander : Hey Ug, thanks for sticking us with Elle she trashed our bunks.

  Telly Radford : Yeah, she ruined my shirt.

  Z.Z. Ziff : She cracked my terrarium.

  Dina Alexander , Telly Radford , Z.Z. Ziff : And we're gonna tell Dr. Kahn!

  Kevin 'Ug' Lee : No, no, no, please, please don't tell Dr. Kahn! I'll pay for all of the damages. I don't even know what a terrarium is but it's probably expensive.

  Dina Alexander : And the only place I bought my makeup at is out of business.

  Kevin 'Ug' Lee : So that means you won't be able to buy any more makeup.

  Dina Alexander : No, it means I have to special order it from France, have it shipped here and it'll cost three times as much to replace it.

  Bobby Budnick : [Budnick and Ronnie come over]  Hey, Ug, that Ellen kid broke into the rec room and snapped all my guitar strings.

  Ronnie Pinsky : And then she smashed my drums.

  [they all stick their hand out for money] 

  Kevin 'Ug' Lee : Oh, boy.

  [he gets out his wallet] 

  Kevin 'Ug' Lee : Okay, there's yours. That's for you. For your T-shirt. For your terrarium. And for French make-up.

  [looks inside his wallet] 

  Kevin 'Ug' Lee : Boy, getting a raise is costing me a fortune.

• Bobby Budnick : First you tie Sponge to the track which I thought was pretty cool but no one ever, ever takes sodas from this camp without my permission. So I suggest you make like the wind and blow before get really angry.

  Ellen : Hey, you thought that was pretty good tying Sponge to the tracks, huh, huh, huh?

  Bobby Budnick : You say 'huh' one more time and I'm gonna...

  Ellen : What?

• Ellen : [bouncing on the bed]  Hi, Mr. Kick Me, where is everyone?

  Bobby Budnick : As far away from you as possible.

  Ellen : That's they're loss.

  Bobby Budnick : You can stay in this bunk for as long as you want

  [grabs magazine] 

  Bobby Budnick : 'scuse me.

  Ellen : What do I have to do to get you guys to chase me?

  Bobby Budnick : There's nothing you can do. So we figured all you wanted was attention and the worst possible thing we could do to you is ignore you.

  Ellen : You're gonna ignore me while I thrash your stuff?

  Bobby Budnick : You can trash whatever you wanna trash. Destroy whatever you want to destroy and no one will punish or bother you. You'll have complete freedom.

  Ellen : Great!

  Bobby Budnick : The only way you will be punished is if you push that little red button over there but you'll only be bringing on the punishment yourself.

  Ellen : Oh yeah? What kind of punishment?

  Bobby Budnick : Well, you'll find out but don't say I didn't warn ya.