- Ellen: Being Dr. Kahn's niece definitely has some privileges.
- Dina Alexander: I mean, you can do whatever you want, to whoever you want, and you can not get in trouble.
- Ellen: Pretty cool, huh?
- Dina Alexander: Yeah.
- Z.Z. Ziff: It's like you've got a protective shield around you.
- Telly Radford: Come on. Let's use this to our fullest advantage.
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: The Bobby Budnick Method to Success tape, take one.
- [claps the clapper]
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Ow.
- Bobby Budnick: Today I'm gonna tell ya how to make a million dollars by the time you're sixteen. Your first car can be a Rolls Royce. You can BUY yourself a high school diploma. And how? Today I'm going to teach you The Bobby Budnick Method to $uccess, a proven get-rich plan that allows you to earn a fortune by selling candy, bootleg concert tapes and t-shirts. But let's not take MY word for it. Let's talk to some of our satisfied customers. Have you used The Bobby Budnick Method to $uccess?
- Ronnie Pinsky: Yes, I have, Bobby. At no money down, I was able to buy a single box of grape licorice at a bank foreclosure and sell it to friends. I made over 1000% profit overnight.
- Bobby Budnick: Ha. Did you say profit with no money down?
- [Kids in background applaud]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: [after Ug falls over cause his shoelaces were tied together] Budnick, I'm gonna nail you!
- Dina Alexander: I haven't seen anything like this, I mean, you control camp.
- Ellen: I always do whatever I want, at school, in camp, wherever I am. I'm my own boss.
- Telly Radford: If I was my own boss, I'd say I didn't have to go to instructional swim right now.
- Z.Z. Ziff: Or weight lifting.
- Dina Alexander: Or soccer.
- Ellen: Who says you have to?
- Z.Z. Ziff: Ug says so.
- Telly Radford: See, unfortunately we don't have your pool, so we gotta go to activities, Wanna come?
- Ellen: Activities? Not a chance. You guys don't mind If I stay here and hang in your bunk for a while do you?
- Dina Alexander: Ellen, our bunk is your bunk, make yourself completely at home.
- Ellen: Thanks!
- Z.Z. Ziff: Let's go.
- [they leave and the door closes]
- Ellen: I will.
- Telly Radford: Why are you doing that with your head?
- Z.Z. Ziff: Well, I got water in my ear.
- Telly Radford: Well, don't shake too hard, you brain might leak out.
- [Z.Z. laughs]
- Dina Alexander: Hey you know, guys, I think I connect with Ellen, I mean, we both come from privileged backgrounds. We can relate.
- Telly Radford: Well, I like her cause she's not a a wuss, I mean she doesn't mind getting into a little bit of trouble.
- Z.Z. Ziff: Well, I just think she's neat.
- Dina Alexander: What kind of word is neat?
- Z.Z. Ziff: Well, neat's a neat word. I don't know.
- Dina Alexander: Did Ellen do this?
- Z.Z. Ziff: No, she couldn't have. I mean, she wouldn't have. She really likes us, and, I mean we really like her.
- Telly Radford: You're right, It wasn't Ellen. It was Budnick and Pinksey getting us back for nailing them with the water balloons.
- Dina Alexander: Ugh! Those little jerks!
- Z.Z. Ziff: Actually, they're not that little.
- Dina Alexander: Look, why don't we just get dressed, find those two doofs and have a little talk with them.
- Sponge Harris: What happens If touch these two wires together?
- Sponge Harris: You activate the chemicals inside, cause a chain reaction and then it ends with -
- [a big puff of smoke comes out and hits Spoonge in the face]
- Sponge Harris: an explosion.
- [Ellen snickers]
- Sponge Harris: Now Ellen, that was very bad. Why did you do that?
- Ellen: I felt like it.
- [in childish voice]
- Ellen: Now what are you gonna do about it? Tell my Uncle?
- Sponge Harris: No, I'm gonna very nicely ask you to sit down. Instead of working with the volcano. You're work with the computer tracking system.
- Ellen: Great, I love computers! But what happens when type in the word 'erase'...
- Sponge Harris: Did you say erase?
- Ellen: Yep!
- Sponge Harris: Absolutely nothing happens, nothing happens at all.
- Ellen: Nothing happens huh? Then, what about 'reformat'?
- Sponge Harris: No! You just completely reprogrammed my entire disk! Everything's ruined! And do you know what I'm gonna do?
- Ellen: Tell my Uncle and get me kicked out of camp?
- Sponge Harris: No, I'm gonna sit here very nicely, very quietly and reprogram the whole thing.
- Bobby Budnick: So what else are you doing besides making everyone's life miserable?
- Ellen: My folks dumped me here and I'm trying to get kicked out.
- Bobby Budnick: Well that's cool, but you just need to chill out. I mean, there's a fine line between being cool and being a fool.
- Ellen: Oh yeah?
- Bobby Budnick: Yeah, being cool is bending the rules, being a fool is breaking em apart. Besides being cool gets you further with the friends.
- Ellen: You know something? You're right, what you said kinda makes sense.
- Bobby Budnick: It does? What did I say?
- Ellen: That thing you said about chilling out. I need to do that if I'm ever gonna be really happy. I need to change the way I look at the world and stuff. You've really opened my eyes.
- Bobby Budnick: You really mean that?
- Ellen: From the bottom of my heart. Now can I have my sodas back?
- [Budnick gives her the sodas]
- Ellen: Thanks.
- Bobby Budnick: [Donkeylips kicks Budnick in the back lightly] Why did you do that?
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: Because the sign on your back said so.
- Bobby Budnick: Ellen.
- Ellen: [Ellen pops up from outside the window] You called? Hi guys, great soda. Why don't you have some?
- [she opens up the soda and sprays it everywhere]
- Ellen: No one has ever treated me this way! No one!
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: Ellen, is that you?
- Ellen: I'm gonna go tell my Uncle and there's nothing you can do about it.
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: No one has ever disciplined Ellen in her whole life and Dr. Kahn was delighted someone could teach her a lesson. And he even said I could take you to a concert out of camp. And he's paying!
- Dina Alexander: Hey Ug, thanks for sticking us with Elle she trashed our bunks.
- Telly Radford: Yeah, she ruined my shirt.
- Z.Z. Ziff: She cracked my terrarium.
- Dina Alexander, Telly Radford, Z.Z. Ziff: And we're gonna tell Dr. Kahn!
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: No, no, no, please, please don't tell Dr. Kahn! I'll pay for all of the damages. I don't even know what a terrarium is but it's probably expensive.
- Dina Alexander: And the only place I bought my makeup at is out of business.
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: So that means you won't be able to buy any more makeup.
- Dina Alexander: No, it means I have to special order it from France, have it shipped here and it'll cost three times as much to replace it.
- Bobby Budnick: [Budnick and Ronnie come over] Hey, Ug, that Ellen kid broke into the rec room and snapped all my guitar strings.
- Ronnie Pinsky: And then she smashed my drums.
- [they all stick their hand out for money]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: Oh, boy.
- [he gets out his wallet]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: Okay, there's yours. That's for you. For your T-shirt. For your terrarium. And for French make-up.
- [looks inside his wallet]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: Boy, getting a raise is costing me a fortune.
- Bobby Budnick: First you tie Sponge to the track which I thought was pretty cool but no one ever, ever takes sodas from this camp without my permission. So I suggest you make like the wind and blow before get really angry.
- Ellen: Hey, you thought that was pretty good tying Sponge to the tracks, huh, huh, huh?
- Bobby Budnick: You say 'huh' one more time and I'm gonna...
- Ellen: What?
- Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen: That was my sandwich and I paid for that bag of chips. That's it, I'm gonna tell Dr. Kahn that his niece is a thief.
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: No, no, please, please Donkeylips just take mine, take mine, I don't wanna make any waves and jeopardize my raise.
- [gets out his wallet]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: Oh, and here's some money to pay for the potato chips. Okay? There, that should do it.
- [he sighs and puts his wallet away]
- Kevin 'Ug' Lee: I wasn't really hungry anyway.
- Ellen: [bouncing on the bed] Hi, Mr. Kick Me, where is everyone?
- Bobby Budnick: As far away from you as possible.
- Ellen: That's they're loss.
- Bobby Budnick: You can stay in this bunk for as long as you want
- [grabs magazine]
- Bobby Budnick: 'scuse me.
- Ellen: What do I have to do to get you guys to chase me?
- Bobby Budnick: There's nothing you can do. So we figured all you wanted was attention and the worst possible thing we could do to you is ignore you.
- Ellen: You're gonna ignore me while I thrash your stuff?
- Bobby Budnick: You can trash whatever you wanna trash. Destroy whatever you want to destroy and no one will punish or bother you. You'll have complete freedom.
- Ellen: Great!
- Bobby Budnick: The only way you will be punished is if you push that little red button over there but you'll only be bringing on the punishment yourself.
- Ellen: Oh yeah? What kind of punishment?
- Bobby Budnick: Well, you'll find out but don't say I didn't warn ya.
- Ellen: Where is everyone? You can't catch me. Hey guy's I'm right here. Okay, I'm right out in the open.