- Anita: I'm working on my Cosmotology course.
- Eddie Frank: Cosmo-what?
- Anita: Cosmotology. It is the study of, of hairstyles and how they behave on the human head.
- Tommy Flanagan: So, what have you been up to?
- Willie Nelson: Well, I got a new movie coming out.
- Tommy Flanagan: No kidding? What's it called?
- Willie Nelson: It's called the Red Headed Stranger. I play the part of a preacher.
- Tommy Flanagan: Oh yeah, I heard about that on 'Church Chat'.
- Willie Nelson: Oh, you watch that show?
- Tommy Flanagan: Religiously.
- Church Lady: [interviewing Willie Nelson] Now, William, I understand there is lots of sex, drugs and rock and roll on the road.
- Willie Nelson: Oh, c'mon, Church Lady, it's not like that. Most nights after a concert I just want to go to sleep.
- Church Lady: Come now, William, I know that you have a pile of naked drunken groupies waiting for you and "Little Willie" to rise out of the pulpit.
- Danny DeVito: [plugging the film "Tin Men"] Well, among other things, It's about two rival aluminum siding salesmen and one guy has an affair with the other guy's wife, eh, to get even, you know?
- Church Lady: Oh, so it's a movie about adultery?
- Danny DeVito: No, no, no, no. It's not, it's not about, it's a comedy. It's not about adultery.
- Church Lady: And what's our rating, Daniel? Could it be "R"?
- Danny DeVito: Yes, it is an R rating, yes.
- Church Lady: Yes, I thought it was. Aparently some of us have to use the 'F' word to be funny.